HEY LOOK! Another thing for us to argue about
The Gabby Petito case is a lesson to all of us in…well a lot of ways because when you think about it, it’s kind of gross to just mourn the loss of a lovely young person without also lecturing and arguing with strangers. Social media was a wonderful tool on its inception that, once put in the hands of humans became a gross, disgusting, repulsive abomination of a thing. On top of arguing things like it actually matters what we say in comment threads that perpetually stink of fresh crap, we break ourselves into tribes and hate other tribes for not being our tribe. I guess it’s human nature to separate ourselves into groups based on trifling differences and then throw hatred at those not part of the group, but that’s not going to stop me from speaking on it. Human nature is just stupid, and that adjective is the least of what I could say on the matter.
Take the Gabby Petito case, if you will. I don’t know the particulars of the case, and I only discover them when I make the conscious decision to seek them out. That means I don’t speak on the matter from a position of authority, and I sure as the sun will rise tomorrow am not going to go on my feed and try to trigger others into feeling guilty about their individual engagement on the case. But this is social media, and there are unacceptable opinions to shout down and flags in opposing territories to be planted. So a leftist SJW Facebook friend of mine posts something like this:
Ma, little help
And you see, that’s just one of the many problems with how we use this otherwise amazing technology. We make a case with very few words, employ emotionally charged images, and draw up weak (at best) comparisons and dismiss any mitigating factors. I was enticed to take umbrage at the idea of the news media being criticized by a leftist because I’m a hybrid classical liberal/moral conservative and that’s our thing not theirs, dagnabbit. Leftists are supposed to be in bed with and constantly making deviant love to the news media. So say the others in my tribe throwing hatred at those strange ones not of my tribe. I was going to give her a piece of my mind but my mind is laughably limited and I can’t afford to be piecemealing it out here and there. So I refrained. Here’s what I would have said if I cared to make the arrogant presumption that I could ever correct her thinking:
The thing about the news media from above
Yes, there is such a thing as white privilege and the media would reflect that. But privilege is tied to context and is not ubiquitous. It dissipates just as speedily as it coagulates. And there are many more types than just white privilege, but we aren’t ready to bring those up in the meeting of the minds just yet.
There are a lot of really intriguing factors to the case, and this woman was a gorgeous influencer who was chronicling her life. We Americans love video evidence and the pouring over of video evidence. This case lends itself to the perverse predilections of the media and Americans who devour the items set on the table by the media.
Native Americans are kept wildly, tragically out of sight, out of mind by—you guessed it—the aforementioned not-to-be-trusted American news media. They have very little political clout due to that and the diminished and oppressed nature of their American experience and so…yeah…a lot of things have to happen before they’re ever to be brought to the public view and have their plight remedied.
Indigenous peoples were relegated to reservations by 19th century monsters (chief among them Democrat president Andrew Jackson), and don’t really own and develop the reservations. They live there at the good pleasure of overreaching government officials, politicians, and bureaucrats. Native Americans who don’t own or develop their land tend to live under the poverty line which means an existence perpetually and generationally on government assistance. They aren’t really “sovereign” even if the language of the law says so. Sovereign tribes are the ones who own and develop their land. You’d be a fool apt to buying a bridge in Manhattan were you to believe these are all Republicans’ fault. Sadly, my tribe (Saulte Sainte Marie Ojibwe) is of the former group, not the latter. One reason I refuse to live on the reservation is that I’m already prone to depression and don’t need the extra nudge.
It’s reasonable to suggest that some of the MMIW have been made to suffer by people of their nation and kindred. This one’s bound to sting a leftist’s Identity Politics bone. For you see, disciples of Identity Politics are so obnoxiously collective in their thinking about differing groups that they feel the need to protect the public from the unacceptable transgression of applying negative collective attributes to a minority group while simultaneously doing all they can to apply collectively negative attributes to white people; hatred for white people being the acceptable prejudice du jour. If you reject identity politics and see people as individuals, you can see a Caucasian man murdering his fiancée and a Native American man murdering a woman in his life and reasonably assume they are reprehensible beings without painting those with the same level of melanin in their skin with a broad stroke.
It’s possible to have compassion and empathy for a privileged white woman and all of the MMIW. Either/or arguments are obnoxious and exhausting.
So I squelched the urge to say something on her post and went to the comments. I make a practice of not debating with my extremist left and right-wing friends on Facebook. Not because I want to avoid debate but because I’d probably lose some online friends due to blocking and I really do like seeing what people of divergent perspectives are saying. I’d rather not live in an echo chamber so you’ll never hear me say “If you think ______________________ delete me”, nor do I delete people who say “delete me”, even when I disagree with them on whatever issue they think is worth deleting someone over.
I like my brain to be challenged by opposing views and I super-like looking at the reasons someone thinks something. Pathology to me is fascinating. That’s because I’m a deist and I see everyone as an equal image bearer of God regardless of views, education, or life station, and I couldn’t care less if they see me as not equal to themselves. Also, being a political centrist, I always make sure I maintain a teachable spirit and am open to correction without my pride and ego getting in the mix and screwing things up for everyone.
Anyway, the comments were what you’d expect. A cesspool overflowing with petty and scornful arguments. Lots of hatred for white people. Lots of people calling that hatred “racism”. Lots of people arguing that you can’t be racist to white people. You know, the standard fare.
I saw a black woman saying “All these offended mayonnaise monsters. Go put on some sunscreen.” I forced myself past the kneejerk offense and laughed at it. I then saw a black man saying “So you’re telling me All Lives Matter” and was sadly entertained by that and the clap-backs of “race traitor” and “coon” to follow. I laugh because I consider myself a humorist. I’d love to also be a comedian but there’s a difference. A comedian has to take something recognizable and exaggerate to a certain degree but not go too far so as to render the original point of focus unrecognizable. A humorist can simply point to one of the myriad of ridiculous things we humans do and say “isn’t that ridiculous?”. It’s a much easier occupation.
Social media not only has exposed our desire to be a meanie to the next guy, one could argue it encourages and rewards it. Civil debate is brushed off and ignored in lieu of insults and snark because being a jerk is easy and fast. Thinking and manners are inconvenient and time-consuming. I don’t think social media made us buttheads who are always scratching the itch to correct the other guy’s foolish thinking.
I remember watching my dad yell at the television as a kid and being confused by it because the person he was yelling at couldn’t hear him. Social media just gave that impotent yelling a public voice and optimized the dissemination. Problem is that with the encouragement, reward, optimization, and dissemination, one could easily argue we are becoming worse people. Now that’s truly saddening.
And this Gabby Petito case is showing that. Much like the aforementioned news media, we refuse to wait for the facts and jump to wild conclusions so we can pull our biases out of the toybox. I saw women on my feed using her as a point of lecturing women to get out of abusive relationships. I wasn’t there, and although there are some evidences of abuse, I wouldn’t go that far without having all the facts. And I’d remind some she admitted to the police that she scratched him and grabbed the wheel of the van as he was driving. Abuse and endangerment aren’t a one-way street from males to females.
This was not a good relationship and its issues were probably exacerbated by the lovers spending 24 hours a day in a van with each other. I’m seeing women react to the original message of escaping abuse and saying that we need to teach our boys to not abuse the women in their lives. It’s a lofty goal, and one not easily reached with the breakdown of strong families and increasing marginalization of men. Not to mention that if women were truly as physically strong and able as men—like I’ve seen some followers of feminism argue—they would be able to hold their own and punish men for abuse and wouldn’t need protection from wicked men. But feminism wanting its cake and eating it too is a different topic for another day.
So, far be it from me to offer criticism without a solution as well. I will humbly offer my self-imposed rules of social media usage:
Jokes
Only those that are so clearly jokes that they can’t be mistaken as serious statements. I’m still working on this one but getting there. Tone, inflection, and other techniques that are natural to conversation and performance are cut completely from the picture when putting letters on a screen. This means the person on the other end can read and interpret it in whatever tone they choose.
Marketing of business concerns
I write blogs, run a landscaping business, and am starting a food truck business. Social media is a wonderful tool to get the word out there and connect with potential customers.
Arbitrary and Unending Positivity
Genuine encouragement to others is a powerful tool. A kind note, even comprised of letters on a screen, can go a long way. Beware of those who air dirty laundry, drama, or insecurities so as to entice others to pile on or feed their desire for attention. Saying “I’m so fat” or “Can you believe what the kids’ father did?” are vastly different than “Pray for my dad as he struggles with cancer” or “My baby is off to college!”.
Give glory to God and make positive statements about your life, good times shared with friends and family, and victories without making negative, provocative statements about someone else’s life and beliefs. Trust me, you’re changing no one’s mind. People who disagree with you on the nature, origin, and makeup of the universe will still be polite, respectful, and even encouraging if you keep it positive.
I say again, keep it positive. Friends, family, online friends, and potential employers should be able to look at your social media and only see the shining moments and victories. We know life has negatives. Social media isn’t real life, so keep the gritty, dirty, mucky, icky parts of it to yourself and those who can help.
One could scour my entire social media history and not find one post airing my frustrations and drama with my ex-wife (and she’s not a rock-star of an ex, she’s a doozy). It doesn’t belong there. One could scour my entire social media history and not know that I’ve been close to financial ruin and homelessness on more than one occasion. I’ve dated, fallen in love, had my heart toyed with and broken by multiple women since joining Facebook. Two of these women were from Ohio, as if that should be surprising to anyone. My Facebook friends never got a whiff of these relationships and their natural cycles. They could actually use my page as evidence to make the case that I’m a celibate man.
Disagree all you want, but a woman won’t go on my Facebook until she’s got my ring on her finger. When you can’t define yourself as a person without being with someone and are incessantly posting your relationship on Facebook, it appears you’re looking for validation, and you’re giving yourself the annoying task of removing those pictures and messages when you’ve broken up. Romantic messages posted on Facebook don’t make any sense to me. “You’re the love of my life and blah blah blah” should be spoken in a tender moment to the person or written in a note, not to the world.
I have only ever posted the face of someone who’s wronged me as a warning to others of the scam he was running and to ask for help in recovering the things he stole from me. His actions were criminal so he crossed a line much farther down the road than looking at me sideways at the grocery store or taking my parking spot. I’m grossed out at the idea of pulling out my phone, recording, and posting the face and words of someone who’s merely offended or spoken a few cross words to me. Unfortunately, I might be in the minority on that one.
Don’t speak down in seriousness on other groups of people. Don’t get offended and speak on behalf of a group of people. Don’t assume your problems are insurmountable and therefore your plight is inescapable and relatable to strangers. Don’t make your problems everyone else’s problems. Don’t assume everyone who’s a good person thinks and believes the same things you do.
All of these are narcissistic and arrogant practices. Please stop doing them. Be an individual. It’s emotionally liberating. Intelligent, reasonable, intellectually honest, and morally upright people disagree with you. Chew on that for a little bit and then get over it. Everyone’s got problems. You’ve assigned yourself a big task convincing them you’re freely entitled to their labor and resources because of your own. Asking them for help or asking them to spread the word is a much better way.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
Image taken from:
https://abc7ny.com/gabby-petito-body-camera-video-brian-laundrie-gabrielle/11024439/