FREE HEALTHCARE FOR ALL!!! (except the unvaccinated)
When you constantly let your vape-hole get out in front of your brain, your words and contradictions can often be thrown back at you by snarky bloggers. But it’s so very much easier going through life without confronting your inconsistencies and contradictions. That’s why I’ve decided to cast off the shackles of self-awareness, reason, accountability, and intellectual honesty to become a woke (re: ultra-obnoxious bag of Richards), leftist (re: mom and dad have disowned me and won’t spot me a floater loan), Democrat (re: my brain has been relegated by my feelings) activist (re: can’t hold down a real job that contributes to society). That and the 4-out-of-10’s of the female persuasion really line up and take a number when you start telling them what they want to hear so long as you allow them to speak without reason or an inside voice.
No longer will the words “I stand corrected”, “You’re right, I did say that and I’ve revisited the issue”, “Good point. I suppose I did contradict myself”, and “I’m open to changing my mind” spew out of my mouth. Henceforth I can vomit out whatever is dancing around the dark realm that is my twisted psyche without anything beyond shallow and perfunctory forethought or reflection afterwards. Those things take time and mental effort. I’m not about all that because there’s avocado toast to meticulously prepare and consume whilst binging Euphoria because my friends are three episodes ahead and keep talking about it on Facebook in spite of my specific request not to. I have a hard time not making things like harmless social media posts about myself and taking personal offense when people commit the unforgivable sin of not being able to read my mind.
So I now believe in free healthcare as a fundamental, basic, non-negotiable, let’s-not-make-a-deal-and-say-we-did right for all now. Being a newly minted liberal, this is a truth I recently discovered but am open to discovering a new truth five minutes from now once this one is labeled racist. I’ll wait to see if this happens for the entirety of my attention span (eight seconds elapse). We good? Good.
The problem is people I don’t like (re: conservatives) who are less intelligent than me (re: Trump voters), racist (re: everybody born before my birth year), and uglier (re: actually, not that many come to think of it) won’t wear masks, get vaccinated, socially distance, sterilize their eyeballs, make their kids learn on Zoom, stay home from work and collect free money without considering the horrible inflation in store for us down the road, let me crash at their house and pick through their fridge and who get all “I’m calling the cops” when I brick their bay window or harass their employer to fire them when they’ve offended me are out there, just walking around and existing. Feel free to shudder now but mind you don’t drop your mocha chino in the doing (it being safe to assume that if you’re reading this, you’re carrying a mocha chino).
Can you even fathom the audacity of these “humans” (if you can call them that), much less stomach it? ‘Scuse me while I projectile vomit on that guy’s gaudy SUV over there. I just ate broccoli chowder and green M&M’s so maybe the hue and consistency of my personal upchuck brand will remind him he needs to be better to goddess earth by getting a weak and emasculating windup toy for his commuting needs. And then also kill himself because his continued existence does nobody no good no-how.
I listened to Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel on their respective shows ranting in an elitist and unhinged manner (is there any other way?) about how the unvaccinated should be refused a hospital bed and care if they contract COVID. I’d take it one step further and say refused healthcare coverage period. And I’m not talking about just Obamacare. I’m even talking about the quality healthcare they happily pay to maintain. They should still be charged for it, mind you but just refused service.
That’ll show ‘em to pay for something and expect a service in return (capitalism is just the grossest thing). And give us some surplus money to hand over to our DNC overlords so they can briefly consider (their attention spans are comparable to mine) how to spend it and then wildly spend it without considering the deficits it might create, the lives it might destroy, or the other areas where it might be better spent. I’d say we should take it one step further and kill the unvaccinated but they are more statistically apt to have guns and my tribe is more statistically apt to fight with slaps and whiny squeaks so that probably won’t happen.
Listen. People should be free to put whatever debilitating drug, liquor, mountain of food, laundry pod, shoddily researched punditry masquerading as news, shockingly large phallic device, or horned/beaded/pointy decorative accoutrement inside their body before, during, and after their work day and expect the government to subsidize their irresponsible and damaging behavior with socialized healthcare. But they should not be free to not put something I demand they put inside their body and receive selfsame care, nor should they retain gainful employment. I’d say let them starve because they’re on the wrong side of history but I don’t really care much for history. It’s awfully racist and I am a better person than history people because I’m not a racist.
I am team No Accountability, closely affiliated with team Not Responsible for my Actions. We’re both sponsored by team You’re A Racist For Disagreeing. We get our funding from the Trophies for All Foundation; a subsidiary of the Echo Chamber Group. Now you’ll pardon me while I cook up some tasty crack in preparation for my workday as a screeching harpy activist. After which, I’ve got an appointment to get this 8 and 3/4 month fetus scraped out of me before my birth canal confers it with life. It’s just science, people. Don’t deny it lessem you want a nice, shiny Twitter canceling for your birthday.
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled I’ll Fix America Tonight. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
Image taken from:
https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/how-anti-vaccine-activists-are-using-covid-19-to-boost-their-movement/