You consistently excel at what you do? I hate you!

Whatever you do these days, don’t rise above the rest of the pack. The snipers are waiting.

I’m an English teacher. Among other things, what that means is that I have a hard time sticking to the day’s curriculum without tangentially straying to personal anecdotes and life lessons. The English teacher at Prufrock Prepatory School in A Series of Unfortunate Events is an esoteric and wonderful parody of us. We English teachers aren’t shackled by boring things like content and deadlines. In one of my rabbit trails, I had a discussion with my students about properly defining “hater” because I know what good instructional time management is. I had a female student who replied to anyone throwing shade as a hater, or asked them if they had their Haterade that morning.

One time she did this in response to someone who pointed out a character flaw of hers. I couldn’t sit idly by so I sprang into action like the superhero I often imagine myself to be. I politely told her that someone who dislikes you for your honest, legitimate, and hard-earned success is in fact, a hater. Someone who (without jealousy or a secret agenda) offers constructive criticism for a fault you display in an effort to get you to be a better version of yourself is not. They actually should be appreciated. They might now and in the future see something about you that you don’t see yourself, but should. Don’t casually toss them aside. Some people are good friends. Some people are friends that are good for you.

Why do we hate folks who excel at their work? It’s frustrating for someone who wants to do a good job and bring glory to God in their work. I remember when I was 23, I worked as a temp at a local GM plant. Among the multitude of stories I heard (work with the same people for thirty years and see if you don’t learn enough about them to fill your days with ceaseless gossiping) were accounts of committee men approaching hardworking employees telling them to chill out, because other union members were suffering from “they think they are better than me” syndrome. Same went for any hourly worker who went to college and casually shared their college experience with anyone else. It was frowned upon. This is where I first formed some of my anti-union biases. I’ve been taken advantage of by wicked managers since then, so those biases have cooled off a bit.

But, can anyone who’s never been in a unionized workplace even imagine what a committee man is? You have a boss who asks you to be as efficient in your work as possible and offers you incentive to do so. Then a guy who watches CNN and plays solitaire all day whom you accept as the real boss comes to you and tells you that you shouldn’t strive for excellence and efficiency because the Collective Bargaining Agreement has already negotiated a wage for excellent work already assumed and built into the next four years and you should take it easy so as not to make your “brothers and sisters” uncomfortable. And if you say that your brothers and sisters share your last name and your adopted brothers and sisters share your faith and you’ve got enough family, thank you, he gets mad and forces you to call your coworkers brothers and sisters. With a slight amount of exaggeration, that’s basically it. It’s no wonder worker rights and benefits have steadily increased since the Industrial Revolution while unionized workplaces have steadily declined.

Problem is, we are all becoming a little bit like that. We hate someone for presuming to be good, great, and excellent at what they do, all day, e’ry day. Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are timely examples. Yes, they’ve had a few scandals but they’ve paid their debt, moved on, and still excelled. Sorry Saints fans, but since Bountygate, Sean Payton hasn’t even reached a Super Bowl. Brady just won his sixth Super Bowl with a team that was undersized, slower, and physically less talented than their opponent’s team, possibly the least physically gifted team he’s ever taken to the Super Bowl. And what does he get for it? Unmitigated hate, served up daily with a side of sour grapes.

I’m sorry, but I won’t call a guy a cheater forever unless he’s proven to have cheated all the while. Belichick has had the normal carousel of players and staff while still maintaining one of the greatest sports dynasties we’ve ever seen. Instead of appreciating the history we’re witnessing, folks vomit out hate like it’s one of Benjamin Franklin’s 13 virtues. I’m not just speaking out of my Michigan Wolverine biases. I appreciate the same kind of excellence in the 70’s Steelers, the 80’s 49ers, and Joe GIbbs’ Redskins, wining three times with three different quarterbacks. Dynastic hate first came on my radar with the Cowboys. They are loved or hated around the country. I don’t root for them, nor do I hate them. I root against them when they play my Lions, and then they move to the periphery of my waking life. Is the Cowboy’s owner bombastic and obnoxious? Maybe, but not enough for me to sling an endless supply of mud at him. I’m a busy guy. I’ve got TV to watch.

Lisa Simpson is an example of art holding up a mirror to society. Too many artists nowadays try to move and shape culture. The Simpsons, while nominally guilty of this, usually hold the mirror. It’s one reason why I appreciate them so much. It’s a brilliant show with a liberal bent that isn’t always trying to change the way I think or behave. Lisa’s chronic suffering as the brilliant, kindhearted, and talented Simpson shows how we treat extraordinary people in our lives. Those outside the fan base of the talented must throw hatred, I guess because nature abhors a vacuum. We can’t just appreciate them and move on. We only believe and trust scientists and doctors when they tell us what we want to hear. Anything beyond that, and nerdlinger can kick rocks (takes a long drag on a cigarette and blows it into the face of an endangered owl).

Roll your eyes and suck your teeth now, atheists, because this is where God Boy is going to get all churchy. I’ve taken some time off of teaching to pursue my masters degree and focus on my lawn business. Lord willing, I’ll one day be a school principal. This means I’ll have an easier job than the teachers and be able to heap demands and non-negotiable items on their already bowed shoulders. The check and balance to that is if the school is ineffective, I’m the first on one the chopping block. So I won’t be touching and changing as many lives as a principal. Same goes for my lawn business. I do help my customers, but the majority of them could mow their lawns themselves. I’m not opening any big life doors for them, merely doing what they don’t care to do themselves.

Does that mean I don’t have to bring glory to God in my work? God forbid the day I ever think that. I’m told by God in my guiding life document, “Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.” That means that no matter how inconsequential or menial the task, we are to do it as if God was standing right over our shoulder, thumb and forefinger planted on chin, asking us if we really want to do it that way. I’ve fallen short of this standard many many times, but I know that I have a standard. I intend to accomplish a lot in the years I have left, and would only be hurt by those rising up in hate just because I succeed at it. One time a competing landscaping business owner shared a Facebook advertisement of mine throwing shade for my bringing my three boys along to work with me. He was a complete stranger but it really hurt. If he had valid criticism of my work, I’d hopefully listen intently without pride becoming part of the picture. But he was hating on the fact that I was teaching my boys hard work and excellence in the task accomplished. What a vulgar idea.

That, my friends, is a hater. May the Lord spare me from hating others for their honest, legitimate, and hard-earned excellence.