Thirsty for Clicks presents: Unacceptable topics for comedy and debate
The rules have changed. America is now Diet Free Speech; only one calorie of free speech! You still have free speech, but you’ve got to run it by the Council of Influencers, Foodies, and Social Justice Softies (CIFSJS for short) before you’re allowed to practice it. Our website; www.wecanandwillmindyourbusiness.com, is currently under construction while we all wait for someone else amongst the group to get around to learning HTML.
Comedy is now no longer to offend. Let me rephrase that. Comedy is allowed to offend white people; the last socially acceptable form of racism. If you’re white and offended by this, you shouldn’t have been racist. And if you weren’t racist, you should have stopped other awful whites from being racist and then admitted that to be white is to be racist and to admit that you have to work on your inherent racism by accepting that you can’t actually stop being racist so sit down and shut up and be racist in silence while the rest of us are racist at you and will justify our racism by insisting that it’s impossible to be racist to whites.
Only fascists will continue to make jokes and debate the topics that are off-limits, so we’ll crush any fascists who do that by doxing their families, throwing bricks through their front windows, canceling their business, and suing them in court. Bear in mind, the following lists are subject to change, like even ten seconds after this is posted. And if you joke/debate about a topic that changes suddenly from the acceptable to the unacceptable list, you will suffer the consequences.
Acceptable topics for comedy and debate:
White people and their awfulness and proclivity to rape, murder, rape while murdering, raping while dabble in stealing and genocide, appropriating ways to murder from other cultures, murder while racism-ing, and any other combination you can think of
Rice cakes (and most other topics comedians were discussing in the late 80’s)
Mitch McConnell’s turkey neck or resemblance to Dany Carvey’s turtle man getup in The Master of Disguise
Karens (tread lightly though, don’t make fun of black Karens unless you’d like a stern talking-to from the Comedy Police)
Any social media or fashion trend that goes out of vogue until we circle back to it and make it retro-vogue
Capitalism
One’s private sexual practices and fetishes, no matter how degrading and deviant
TV dinners (unless distributed by a black-owned business)
Lines at the DMV and airport security checkpoints
Donald Trump and other Republicans being de-platformed for being gross and ugly and creepy and white
Unacceptable topics for comedy and debate:
Anything that makes anyone who has decided to be a professional victim feel bad.
Making fun of anyone
Feelings’ transition from being a tool of reacting to reality to defining reality
An American hammer thrower who has led a privileged life competing to represent America in the next Olympic games deciding she is going to use her platform to throw shade at the country that gave her aforementioned privileged life
Socialism and communism and the historic evidence proving their ability to perfect society and move it into Utopia-levels of amazing-ness.
The fact that once a crackpot idea reaches a certain number of YouTube likes, it’s codified as scientific fact and therefore no longer subject to parody and debate and disciples of said crackpot idea automatically win any debate by screeching “wake up and educate yourself, the American Psychological Association has already decided _________”
Gray areas on hold while the council convenes:
A white guy deciding he’s Korean and paying for surgeries to look more Korean. We feel like this is racist because of “white” being in the mix and the fact that he made his eyes slanted. Please err on the side of caution for this one until we release an official ruling (official rulings subject to immediate change based on the council’s feelings changing)
LeBron James saying or doing anything (frankly, we’re getting kind of sick of him as well but find it really off-putting to agree with anyone on the right)
Binge-watching on streaming services-we realize this is contributing to the obesity epidemic and we are aware of the fact that we no longer trust or allow Americans to make individual decisions about their body choices but we really, really, really, REALLY love having all the episodes of Friends in one convenient place but are really, really, really, REALLY conflicted about the fact that all of the friends are white and so we have some issues to unpack on this one.
Spanking your children-We know which way we’re leaning on this one but some of these young adults who weren’t spanked as kids are just insufferable and are really demolishing our premise with empirical and obnoxious evidence so we might toss the conservative right a bone on this one.
People who want to speak down on one group they aren’t a part of (unless group being spoken down on is white) or want to speak on behalf of a victim group they feel they are a part of. We’re still clawing through the logistics on this one and will have protocols in place before the end of the victim calendar year.
Now go out there and have fun! Pre-approved fun, of course. Don’t make us come and get you. Our ANTIFA friends have no chill in the summer months and are always itching for their next flash mob riot.
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you, but I don’t get paid to do it just yet. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
Image taken from:
https://dailycaller.com/2021/06/28/british-social-media-influencer-korean-surgeries/
