(Satire) Meet the new face of White Supremacy
Saying crazy crap and being ostracized by intelligent, reasonable people for it is sooooooo out of style nowadays. Having measured, careful, and reasoned responses to reality went out with parachute pants, flip phones, and hopefully sometime soon mumble rap (Lord, please haste the day). Making wild claims on Twitter; everyone’s favorite repository of rhetorical diarrhea, and arguing when there’s no one in front of your face to respond floods one’s pleasure center with dopamine so as to induce an indescribable feeling of moral and intellectual superiority, I don’t know why we teach traditional debate and forensics anymore.
Let’s just go ahead and label traditional debate and forensics as a devious scholastic exercise in white supremacy just so we can stay on theme with some of the folks who vomit out weird statements nowadays like I vomit half-digested food when I eat, drive past, or have a passing thought about White Castle. ‘Scuse me while I get sick. Anyone got a breath mint so those in my work area can survive the aftermath?
Winsome Sears (R) was just elected Lieutenant Governor of Virginia. The “R” doesn’t stand for racist, retarded, rogue, ruffian, roustabout, or even rake (in the morally licentious definition, not the garden tool). It stands for (feel free to gasp in disgust) Republican. Of course, conservative news pundits had to get all “She’s Republican and the first black female…” because Identity Politics gonna Identity Politics, no matter how ridiculous it is to see it coming from the end of the political spectrum that says it rejects identity politics.
But right-leaning identity politics are pretty vanilla when you look at leftists’ reactions to Winsome Sears, Roebuck, & Co.’s election. Michael Eric Dyson went on MSNBC about thirty seconds after the results came in and threw this whamzinger of a wild accusation out there:
"You are doing what all political figures what must do: make choices," Dyson said. "The problem is here they want White supremacy by ventriloquist effect. There is a Black mouth moving but a White idea … running on the runway of the tongue of a figure who justifies and legitimates the White supremacist practices. We know that we can internalize in our own minds, in our own subconscious, in our own bodies the very principles that are undoing us. So to have a Black face speaking in behalf of a White supremacist legacy is nothing new."
Other prominent cancel clowns chimed in but it was basically variations on a theme. Because giving a Jamaican immigrant from extremely poor beginnings who became a Marine Corps veteran, Bachelor’s graduate from Old Dominion University, and Master’s graduate from Regent University the credit of thinking for herself and exercising her own agency would just be gross. I’ll bet neither of those colleges is a historically black college/university. Psh. Typical. She’ll never be the HNIC or even an HBIC without a degree from an HBCU. Might as well practice up at clicking her tongue, shouting “Lawdy” at her Republican overlords, and thanking them for the morale whippings.
I don’t know how many times y’all have to be told. Black folk who vote and run as Republicans cannot be trusted. They’ve either fallen under some Creole voodoo of the Caucasian variety, are trapped in The Sunken Place from Get Out, suffering Stockholm Syndrome, have been tempted with extravagant amounts of the blue-eyed Devil’s money (it always pays to keep an eye on the Jews and their shekels), or their family/loved ones are being threatened. Black folks have to think for themselves, be an individual, shake off the chains of their slave masters, and achieve their best selves. They can only do those things by voting/running as Democrats in a collective and monolithic manner. We Democrats have repeated this truth so many times, you’d think people would start to believe it.
Let me join the fray and fire off insane nonsense that is just crazy enough to be true. That is, if we’re going with the idea that truth is subjective, malleable, and therefore able to be defined and spoken on an individual basis (and you know we are):
Brad Pitt’s large intestine is complicit in the Oompa Loompa’s continued enslavement by Willy Wonka and that horrific, exploitative testament to late-stage capitalism he calls a factory.
Joe Biden shut down the Keystone Pipeline Project because any oil from Canada just would be too doggone polite to achieve maximum efficiency in rude American vehicles. All those unemployed pipeline workers should look at Canadian politesse and do better before opening their mouths to moan about feeding their families.
Any time an earthquake hits a country with brown and black people in it, said earthquake shall be canceled on Twitter and summarily labeled racist.
If said earthquake only kills any blue-eyed mayonnaise monsters, said earthquake shall be lauded on Twitter and labeled an ally.
Disney and the MCU’s burgeoning multi-verse is just a poorly veiled attempt at finding a universe where Hitler won, like a reverse of the righteous struggle all the oppressed Democrats from The Man in the High Castle went through. One can safely assume the resistance were Democrats, as Republicans would have helped Hitler win.
Any mainstream historical account of the Emancipation Proclamation and Civil War is abjectly false. It was a time-traveling Kamala Harris and her poorly defined “black girl magic” that freed the slaves. All books containing these falsified histories shall be burned in the furnaces of the authors of Critical Race Theory because those suppressing ideas, banning, and burning books have always been the good guys.
Trump is such an evil, vile, wicked creature that the Devil (big “D”, not the little “d” blue-eyed devils who think water is spicy) sold his soul to him to achieve his desires. Faust was the notary public who made the contract official.
Anyone who doesn’t want babies killed in the womb is a Nazi. Anyone who voices their opinion on babies being killed is a Double-Dog-Tripled-Stamped Nazi. No givesies-backsies.
James Woods dabbles in fracking (albeit on a much smaller scale than venture capitalists) in his backyard just because he and other Hollywood Republican trolls have unsettled and perpetual beefs with Mother Earth.
Beezos and other billionaires’ efforts to create a space tourism industry are just dog-whistle language for the new form of white flight. Pretty soon, all the privileged SPF 95 sunscreen buyers will be on their way to another planet they can ruin.
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
Image taken from:
https://www.wric.com/news/politics/local-election-hq/republican-lt-gov-nominee-winsome-sears-fires-majority-of-campaign-staff-former-spokesperson-says/
