Hey Idiot! Laugh at our preachy and condescending movie this instant
Hey dumb, stupid Republicans, right wingers, anti-vaxxers, science deniers, and racists (redundant five times over, we know). Put down the Cheese Whiz for five minutes and listen up. Man, you’re so stupid and ignorant and smelly and physically unappealing. I’m repulsed I even have to share this country with you. Can you go stand over there on the other side…of the world? A little further, if you don’t mind. OMG your face is so punchable. Makes me wanna punch something. Like your face. But I can’t do that right now because I’m shoving my phone in your face so I can record you doing something stupid and racist and inbred. Maybe later once I’ve fueled up on avocado toast and power naps in the safe space I’ll muster the strength to punch you because your opinions are violence and I’m stopping violence by committing violence.
So we made a movie you probably won’t understand and which was meant to insult you but you should watch it anyway because we said so. It’s funny. Not your transphobic and unacceptable brand of funny. We’re talking a valid form of funny. One that passes all the woke inkblot tests, underwent extensive scrutiny and committee testing so as not to offend any of the alphabet people or other hypersensitive and loud special interest groups, and which understands gratuitous use of the F-word is eons beyond any writing that has people running for their dictionary or thesaurus.
It’s cutesy humor. That and puns are going to be the only legal form of comedy some glorious and blessed day. And maybe not even puns; those being uncomfortably associated with dads; dads soon to become a thing of the past. I don’t care what you find funny or what your personal preferences are. Yes, humor is subjective, so long as you accept and agree with our subjective understanding of what’s funny. Now laugh, before your subjective humor preferences get outlawed and we subject you to our proper and correct interpretation of what the drafters of the Constitution meant when they wrote the 1st Amendment. Correct and proper interpretation subject to a correct-er and proper-er interpretation five minutes down the road, of course.
I know it feels like we’re hammering you with a 2 x 4 between the eyes right now. But that tracks with the movie. It’s not all that subtle. Subtlety isn’t a trendy skill in Hollywood right now anyway. That’s a good thing because I don’t know subtlety and never saw the need to bother with it much. At one point, our hero—played by an obnoxious climate activist actor—is on a fictional talk show, grows increasingly frustrated, and screams right at the camera that we can’t deny science and that we are all going to die. Is that un-subtle enough for you, or should he also be holding a ten pound weight so as to make it even more heavy-handed?
Sure there’s about a million and a half wacky, zany characters in this movie and sure, there’s almost as many plot threads that don’t get properly fleshed out or organically resolved. Why is the film constructed like that? Maybe I’m not all that good of a writer and don’t know how to realistically take just a small core of strong characters through a compelling and believable story arc. Maybe. Maybe not. Don’t worry about it. You’re forgetting your place anyway.
I’m from Hollywood. Do you know how many square feet my house has? I haven’t been to your house but I’m positive at least four of yours could fit in mine with enough space left over for a squash match. People on the coasts are just smarter. You’re wasting your life away in flyover country in the small redneck town of Podunkville in the county of Gee My Sister Sure Looks Good Today in a tarpaper shack on Banjo and Sausage Gravy Road. I can’t wait for the electoral college to be abolished so we can tell you your business. Imma be soooooooooooo up in your face with all kinds of intrusive and unnecessary liberal messiness once that happens. You’ve no place to tell my art isn’t good. Watch it and enjoy it. That’s an order.
Paternally, and with your best personal and professional interests at heart,
Adam McKay
(the director…DUH! Look me up. I’m a lot bigger deal than you could ever imagine being)
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
Image taken from:
https://collider.com/dont-look-up-trailer-leo-dicaprio-timothee-chalamet/