Polish pastor from Calgary being courted by Avengers and Justice League
“I feel like the prettiest badass at the ball” says Artur Pawlowski when Thirsty for Clicks questioned him on recent developments. For you see, his services are in high demand right now. So viral videos do have a practical use. In case you missed it because you get your news from the MSM (like a really gross weirdo) and not social media, this man confronted Canadian officials and police officers two times, kicking them out of his church when they tried to shut down his right to worship. Remember that scene in Disney’s animated classic Robin Hood when Friar Tuck belly-butts the Sheriff of Nottingham out of his place of worship? It would be reminiscent of that, if Tuck hadn’t been cuffed and jailed immediately following.
Comedians over the years have joked about Canada being America Junior, or Lite America. We beg to differ. It’s got a softer, gentler, kinder form of government than many less fortunate countries who have fallen prey to socialism, but socialism nonetheless. This is the land where they never bothered upgrading to the freedom of speech/assembly/worship package and sniveling bureaucrats are free to roam their natural habitat, fulfilling their childhood dreams of lifelong tattling and bullying those who have the audacity to exist in their proximity. Mr. Pawlowski is so not having it. In one of the very rare modern instances of using the word “Nazi” and it actually being applicable, he pushed these children masquerading as adults out of his church. If this were 1992 and he wasn’t such a terrifying badass, we’d all have jokes teed up about sausage, the consistency of sauerkraut, and the collectively low intelligence of Pollocks. This is 2021, and he’s raising eyebrows in other ways.
“I’ve been asked by a few superhero teams to join their ranks in the last couple of weeks. The attention has been amped up by the second occurrence of my badassery being put on display.”
“Oh really! Who’s knocking at your door, and what do they want?”
“Well, the most notable group right now is the Avengers. Apparently they lost a few team members in their last adventure—I was too busy being a badass—and are looking to fill the vacancies. They’re a little too mainstream for my tastes. I prefer the rogue, avant garde approach. You know, the unpredictable loose cannon-type. That conforms to my badass style. I would say I’m waiting for Han Solo, Dirty Harry, or Deadpool to call, but let’s be real and say that they should be waiting for my phone call.”
“So have the Justice League reached out?”
“Yes, you could argue they fit the outsider profile, but they’re just so thirsty for attention. It’s kind of embarrassing, really. I mean, they have some real badasses on their team, but they took three adaptations to try and get their first adventure right. ‘Oh look, here’s a four-hour version of the movie we initially messed up so badly, and then here’s a black-and-white version to appeal to hipsters. Please, won’t you please like us, pretty please?!’ It’s just not all that badass, and a badass doesn’t need reassurance from others to be a badass.”
“What about the Expendables?”
“I threw their letter away without even opening it. I’m not interested in what they’ve got to say or offer. Most of those geriatrics were never badasses to begin with, and those who were shouldn’t spend their time reminding us of how they used to be a badass.”
“That’s a good move. So what do you think you’re going to do, besides continuing to be a full-time badass, full-time pastor, and part-time revolutionary?”
(camera zooms in dramatically on his war-hardened face and grizzled beard) “I’m putting together a team.”
“Awwwwwwwwwwww snap! This is going to be badass!”
“Don’t point out how badass it’s going to be. That takes away from the badass moment.”
“Sorry about that.”
“It’s all right. We’ve got some injustices and suffering in this country and others a badass like me with a badass team of real badasses shouldn’t have any problem handling in a badass manner. This interview is over. Get out of my church.”
(interviewer contritely obeys)
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you, but I don’t get paid to do it just yet. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
Image taken from:
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/artur-pawlowski-canada-pastor-easter-b1827041.html
