I'll solve the inflation and livable wage debates tonight
Liberals have grown accustomed to phrases like late-stage capitalism, ruling class, wage-slave, and others. Conservatives tend to wave them all off as socialists and commie fags who want 99% taxes and free everything. That’s not a fair accusation to levy. Many liberals have done very well in the capitalist mold.
But the problem with the liberal message is $15/hour isn’t a prescriptive solution for all of the problems they bring up. It’ll drive up prices in some industries, make workers entirely superfluous (paging Dr. Order Input Kiosk in the McDonald’s lobby), and ignores the fact that in areas like NYC, Chicago, and L.A.; the three places all these minimum wage sermonizers seem to occupy, $15/hour is pittance.
Conservatives have grown accustomed to phrases like low-skilled work for low-skill wages, marketable skill, work ethic, and upward class mobility. Liberals tend to wave them all off as money-grubbing greed monsters who would rather spit on a homeless person even if he wasn’t on fire. They portray capitalists as wretched demons who can’t stand the sight of a pristine nature scape untouched by the fires and machines of industry. Those are also not fair accusations to levy. Most conservatives believe and practice proper stewardship of the planet and don’t worship money; being worshippers of a creator God. Also, any astute person should have picked up in the last thirty years is much, not all, but much of the ultra rich who have no regard to the health of the planet and who worship money and themselves lean left politically.
But the problem with the conservative message is some folks just don’t have the mental or physical capacity to move beyond low-skilled jobs. And some who do just simply don’t want to, so the only issue to address in that discussion is whether or not these folks are taking taxpayer money to support their continued existence.
Just like all human debates, structures, and agendas, there are valid and invalid arguments being lobbed over No Man’s Land into the enemy’s camp from heavily fortified and entrenched strategic positions. And just like all human debates, structures, and agendas, there is wiggle room on both sides if both sides would stop taking themselves so seriously and allow themselves to look ridiculous for a minute by engaging in a little silly wiggling.
Liberals posit that a person of adult age should be able to work an eight-hour day, forty-hour workweek and comfortably meet their bills no matter the job position they hold. This argument is entirely reliant upon America remaining a land of vast opportunities, resources, and wealth because in places with less wealth and fewer resources, the starving villagers don’t have the luxury to worry about clocking in and out at an even eight hours. But since America is a pretty good place, I’ll accept it as valid.
Conservatives posit that a person of adult age should work two jobs if they can’t meet their bills with one, always be on an upward professional trajectory, always striving for that next step up, always booking a ticket for the next professional station down the line, arguing that low skill jobs are meant to be occupied by high schoolers looking for walking around money, college agers in transition from kid to adult, and retirees bored of feeding ducks and listening to their spouse complain about grown kids who never come around anymore.
Of all the immoral nonsense that went on during the pandemic, one good outcome is that workers have more leverage. Many business owners have expanded in scope and taken on territory they and their family can’t cover personally. So what if I told you both liberals and conservatives have a point and both can have the best of both worlds?
That’s right, folks, act right now by signing up for my 12-week course in revolutionary economics, use promo code Notarealeconomicscourse, and you TOO can partake in the fundamental remaking of reality as we know it. But first, four personal anecdotes which illustrate points I’ll make later.
#1
In 2007 I read large parts of The Starbucks Experience and learned that after a probationary period, employees of good report were offered corporate stock. I figured that’s a sweet deal, considering pulling a lever to pour coffee is not that technical a skill. Also a good way to engender loyalty, sticking around, and making sure you’re delivering a quality product. Conservatives often are triggered by the politics of Starbucks leadership, but they can’t argue with the business model.
#2
In 2008 I was faced with the wonderful chance to be a substitute teacher and was so enamored of the job I went back to college for a second degree in teaching. Because I wanted as much classroom time as I could possibly get while studying to be a certified teacher and because substitute teachers are paid pathetic wages, I delivered pizza at night. Working two low-paying jobs like that was all right with me because I knew there was an end point.
My coworkers at the pizza place, not so much. They were entirely comprised of adults who struggled in high school, never attained a highly marketable skill, didn’t put in the time toward a college degree, and valued getting high over getting a higher paying job that made them pass a drug test. Just by volunteering to work as many hours as possible and being reliable, I quickly became one of the boss’s favorites, except for the fact that he couldn’t hold my job over my head.
I worked for a man who was an atrocious example of a Muslim. I’m an atrocious example of a Christian, so I don’t AT ALL mean to attack his faith and would love the same consideration were someone to put me up against the moral standards of mine. He smoked, drank, cussed, and fornicated. I don’t smoke but have done more than my share of the other three. He considered the fact that his employees were poor to cover his personal portion of the Islamic pillar of giving to the poor; a very egregious way of playing semantics with the faith if you ask devout Muslims. He had a betrothed back in Lebanon whose virginity was being closely guarded while he was stateside running through various women, including demanding sexual favors from female employees whom he had fired but who got desperate and asked for their jobs back.
When it came to getting delivery drivers to work until the 2am close he had a rough time. Most of the drivers wanted to work until 10pm when the dinner rush was done, wash a few dishes, and peace out. The 2am closing shift meant the late-night stoner and drunk crowd, none of which were considerate tippers unless they happened to miscount the money in their drunken stupor. It also meant prepping the store for the next day, meaning it had to be spotless and ready to go, whether or not we got a rush of late-night orders (which we often did). Because I needed the money for big professional and entrepreneurial plans down the road, I volunteered to take as many closing shifts as possible, often working until 3am and getting up at 6am to substitute teach.
One day the owner—who paid everyone minimum wage—was bemoaning the fact that he couldn’t find good workers. He said that people should just work hard just to be a good worker so they could maintain a good name. The idea of a good name and reputation are an Islamic and Christian concept so I totally understood. However, I said not everyone has that ethic ingrained in their heart. I suggested a few different incentives. I said “pay the drivers extra money for deliveries after 10pm. Pay the inside staff an extra dollar an hour after 10pm. Pay the whole closing staff a percentage of all orders after 10pm, and increase it when orders come in at 1:45am.” He looked at me as if I had asked him to slit his wrists and use the ensuing effluence as pizza sauce. Allah was not the god this man truly worshipped.
Upon broaching that subject with my coworkers, I got variations on “Heck yes, that’s a good idea!”. But it wasn’t to be. That man grew ever increasingly frustrated with trying to keep that Cottage Inn profitable with a revolving door of unenthusiastic employees, eventually shuttered it, and sold the property to a cigar shop. Such is the way of things for those who will not change and pledge their undying allegiance to filthy lucre.
#3
In June 2018 I quit teaching full time. I had spent eight years in the teaching world and had gotten sick of so many aspects of it. I had to start a landscaping business and work like a dog during the summer months. I spent the colder months of that year going back to college for my master’s, picking up leaves, and plowing snow. In March 2019 I was offered a logistics job by a former student who had worked himself quickly into junior executive status for a local firm in Flint, MI. I reported to a kid who I once instructed and was totally fine with that.
That firm was in an industry that was so niche those who stayed absorbed and got the chance to apply quite a bit of esoteric knowledge. Furthermore, the firm designed and manufactured their own heavy equipment, so a large amount of proprietary knowledge was absorbed by long term employees of the firm. This place was in a position that they really wanted to maintain employees because there was so much to learn before you ever became proficient. This meant they held onto difficult people and buttholes, yes. But it also meant those who stayed long enough to gain proficiency were able to leverage their value into a percentage of the company, which the owner was happy to share. I left a year and a half into my tenure there for my next logistics job, a shorter workweek, and a hefty raise. A year and a half wasn’t nearly enough time to make myself one of those guys worth a profit-sharing counteroffer, but they did give me my two weeks’ notice off with pay, and I’m grateful for that.
#4
Fast forward to 2021. I’d entrenched myself in my new employment situation and expanded my lawn business. I was the supervisor of a warehouse shipping air filtration systems all over the western hemisphere. I had a 6am report time and worked down the street from a Burger King. Being late to work one day (as I’m wont to do whenever I’m paid salary wages) I decided a 6am Eggnormous Burrito from BK was in my gustation future. The same young man took my order at the speaker, took my payment at the first window, and gave me my food at the second window. I pulled around and studied this man about his business for a couple minutes. If I ever meet him, I’ll hire him on the spot.
We were in the throes of this ridiculous pandemic that made those who showed up every day to work suffer the extra slack of those who didn’t. This young fella was manning every station in the restaurant for coworkers I can only guess were scheduled but didn’t show. And yet, according to traditional capitalistic practices, he’d be paid the same wage during that early morning lonesome rush as he was when things slowed down in the mid to late morning and sluggish coworkers rolled in with an “Oh my bad. I slept in”. That’s unfair. That’s when I decided to change my business practices.
I offered the guy handling landscaping projects for me 35% of labor costs for all work he did, upwards of 40-45% if I had underbid the job or unforeseen dangers presented themselves. When we did a job together, I offered him 25% of the labor. Obviously he was encouraged by this to work on his own and be self-managed. I offered the guy who was going to run my new hotdog cart and mobile grill business the same percentages. I told the landscaper that the start and end of his work day were entirely up to him but that the incentive to finish a job is to get to the next one and dillydallying wasn’t the appropriate mode. I told the mobile restaurant manager he’d now got a reason to make me as much money and not shut down and clean up before he’d satisfied himself with the day’s haul. Both wage paradigms have worked out well. The man I’ve got working for me this year (the last guy went to work for Amazon and more power to him) is considering working himself up to full partner with me. If calamity like a flat tire or equipment breakdown happens, we switch him over to hourly to cover the fact that he wasn’t responsible for the work stoppage. He can take smoke breaks, bicker on text message with his girlfriend, and nap in the middle of the day if he so chooses (I often do). He knows he’ll get his share of the value of the company no matter how long or short it takes him to do the work.
All four examples show what is already clear to intelligent readers who made it this far in the drivel I’m passing off as real writing. People are happier and work harder when they’ve a stake in ownership, incentives to make the owner money, and control over their workday/workflow.
I know some liberals right now might be feeling the “Workers control the means of production” line from Marx but this isn’t that, at least in its current iteration. Keeping my finger on the pulse of social trends, that phrase seems unfortunately to mean to many “Let’s take the business from the owner and tell them what’s what”. That I don’t condone because that would be stealing. There needs to be leadership in a business and ownership often wears that hat. At the very least, ownership takes the bigger risk by buying a location, paying for insurance, maintaining inventory and supplies, etc. In other words, this is ownership and labor coming to an agreement entirely free of labor unions on what portion of the value the worker creates is going to be allotted to him, thereby giving him every reason to create more value. In other, other words, DUH!
It is common practice for lackadaisical workers who are given extra responsibilities to say “We should just hire a new guy” because the new guy’s wages, benefits, perks, and bonuses aren’t coming from their slice of the pie. But wouldn’t we get better hourly workers if they understood that absorbing new responsibilities made them richer? Wouldn’t we get better salary managers if they understood that when their emails, reports, and Minesweeper games are finished for the day, they could increase their personal share of the company’s profits if they changed from their business cas’ into work clothes and headed to the floor to help the hourlies finish up so that HR doesn’t have to perpetually lean on temps and Indeed.com?
And this sort of mutually beneficial agreement wouldn’t mean loss of normal labor jobs. It actually would increase them. Think of it. Workers will work faster, smarter, more efficiently, and with a greater amount of passion if they have nothing but good reasons to make the business more money. However, that kind of energetic and passionate output is tiring and difficult to sustain over an 8-12 hour shift. But if they made enough money in a 4-6 hour shift to meet their bills, and had the option to continue with the output or step out of the way for someone else who eagerly shows up to work on time to cover the next 4-6 hours, then we’d see an increase in the number of jobs. Plus, employees and workers would be managing themselves and others, along with happily supporting them.
You ever sit down to a meal at a nice restaurant, be introduced to your waitress, get your tortilla chips and drinks served, get into the groove of how the meal is going to go, then have a complete stranger named Jen bring your main entrée over? BUT WAIT?!?!?! Where’s Tiffany? She was so nice! And then Tiffany comes back to refresh your drinks once you’ve dug into your wet burrito and you’re all “Tiffany, I thought we had a good thing going but then someone else brought over what I specifically came to the restaurant to eat and now you’re back mid-chew to ask if I want more Mountain Dew and now I really don’t know how to feel”. The reason is the kitchen sets out entrées when they’re ready and whoever is at the window supports Tiffany in her efforts (she might be going potty, having a smoke, or angrily texting an unfaithful boyfriend because Tiffanies always have a hard time with finding loyal men) by getting it from the kitchen to your mouth.
Imagine every worker in every workplace supporting each other like Jens do with Tiffanies. Imagine our being able to eschew minimum wage laws altogether with all necessary expediency. Workers couldn’t be manipulated and pitted against each other by wicked management. They wouldn’t have to scramble and claw for meager scheduled raises and be told “Gosh, we’re on a wage freeze right now and this matter is out of my hands. Ya know, the economy and everything. Lousy Democrats! Welp, see you later. Door closed, if you don’t mind”. Each paycheck would be different and directly tied to their personal stake in ownership and their energetic professional efforts.
Unions were formed as a response to management wickedness. Yes, they’ve got some good and bad things about them, and yes, some management remains wicked and some unions are corrupt. I’m with liberals and conservatives both when it comes to unions because I know how to ride a fence. Unions would be rendered entirely redundant in an economy where everyone gets a slice of the pie. Yes, we could still have unions because some babies just won’t give up the bottle and some business owners need to be kept in check when it comes to ignoring safety protocols specifically put in place to save lives.
Salaried laborers and managers would no longer be able to be taken advantage of and forced to work longer hours and go above and beyond when layoffs, strikes, turnover, or emergencies arise. And they’d force themselves to get along and cooperate with their subordinates because it’s in everyone’s best interest to do so.
These people who don’t care to increase their personal marketable skillset wouldn’t necessarily have to but conservatives would be able to kindly shut up on the matter because they’d be working just as hard as conservatives would like everyone to think conservatives work. Plus, with shorter but more lucrative workdays they’d get off public assistance faster, have free time to take college classes and participate in trade school instruction for more technical skills, network, start businesses, volunteer and do charity work, along with other positive pursuits. I’m sure the cynical fuddy-duddies amongst my conservative brothers are all “Yeah but they’ll probably just spend that time on video games and calling people racist on social media” right now but that’s the cool thing about free time. You’re free to use it as you choose, particularly when you’re not a financial drain on others.
This system works no matter the industry. Were I to reenter the teaching world, I’d demand a salary that takes a percentage of every hour every student spends in my class, allowing for the fact that funding attached to the child has to be spread between teachers, janitorial, kitchen, bus-driving, coaching, administrative, and secretarial staff. I shared that idea with a friend in a local public school and she shot back with “But the unions at public schools would never go for that!” Well then, I’ll find a private or charter system that would. Were I to go back to logistics, I’d demand a salary that pays me and my subordinates a percentage of every project picked, assembled, and shipped on time.
Even were I to take a low responsibility job at a Speedway gas station, I’d ask what the absolute minimum number of workers they need there at any given shift. Having spent lots of time pumping gas at Speedway stations while Maria Menounos reports on the pump screen what is trending on TikTok and deciding a mid-afternoon Tornado snack that’s been rotating on a heat roller for hours is just what I need, I’ve spent more than my share of time inside Speedway stations perusing unhealthy treats.
Upon my careful, prolonged, and scientific observations of a good slice of the Speedway stations in southeast Michigan, I’d say four workers are needed during the morning and afternoon shifts. One permanent cashier, one floater who stocks shelves, cleans the property, and opens a second register during rushes, and two people to make those delicious sandwiches and dessert treats in the kitchen. I’d tell the owner to find out what we sold during my shift, take 35% of that split into four shares, and pay me a share. And then I’d proselytize my coworkers to get on the same system once it becomes clear my percentage/piecemeal wages are more substantial than their hourly wages. And ownership wouldn’t care about me engendering pay-inspired unrest among their workers because they’d see an uptick in productivity and customer service.
Like any good American, I’ve learned everything I know about South Korea from the popular television shows imported to Netflix. At the end of Squid Game, the winner collects his four billion units of their really gay-looking money, cuts his hair, dyes it red, buys a nice suit, and is about to board a commercial flight to visit his daughter in America when he receives a cryptic phone call. He decides to forego the flight and continue his quest to becoming one of the richest deadbeat dads in history. Now I’m no currency exchange expert, but the commercial flight alone makes me think being a billionaire in Korean money doesn’t hit quite the same as being a billionaire in American money. Having said that, our money seems to be going all early 2000’s Beanie Baby and steadily declining in value.
So tell me, is inflation a topical subject of debate and consternation? I couldn’t care less about who’s to blame for it. I know that in my system, inflation is a non-issue. This is why the idea of a state or federally mandated minimum wage is the wrong solution. Inflation puts the lowest paid among us on the outside of wealth and stability. But in this system, the two-headed viper of inflation and minimum wage is double-decapitated. hen an employer has to raise rates, their eager and productive employees don’t have to be on the short end of that particular stick, even were our national currency to turn into a total punk and refuse to assert itself and value.
“But Nate, you’ll never find an employer who’ll go for that.” Don’t be glib and don’t vilify, demonize, or group all capitalists in one group. That’s racist…or something along those lines. You absolutely don’t want to work for those who are immovable and inflexible in their practices. Once you hear “This is how we’ve always done it” or “I’m sorry, that’s not part of our corporate structure” you know your search shall be ongoing and you can politely excuse yourself from the interview without entertaining any offer of employment. Propping the door open just to screw with them is a choice that’s entirely up to you.
There are enough capitalists who worship money as their god and won’t budge because they have to have things their way, yes. There are also enough out there who understand the value of trying new things, giving it a go, taking a risk on an outlier, and dipping their toes into new paradigms. I didn’t build this wonderful country’s economy but I would bet dollars to doughnuts the latter are more responsible for its building, development, and maintenance than the former, and by more than a few finger and toe tallies. It’s just up to you to find one if you’re on the hunt.
Once you free yourself of being a slave to traditions and can afford to step out for a minute to see what’s out there, you’d be surprised. Were my landscaping business to perish tomorrow, I’d go on the hunt for gainful employment but wouldn’t just take the first offer that came up in the old way for the sake of security and having a paycheck. I’d prolong the search, work through my savings, be a gig worker (Facebook is a wonderful way to make quick cash doing anything from weeding someone’s gardens to scooping their pets’ leavings), and make whatever adjustments in my living and expense arrangement until I found that guy who’s willing to say “That’s a great idea!” then shake hands on the matter. I don’t think I’ll ever work for someone else without negotiating my own personal percentage of the value I create ever again. But that’s just me. You do you, just don’t make it my problem when doing you leads you to continued professional unhappiness.
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
Image taken from:
https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo/minimum-wage-protest-usa.html
