It’s that time of year again; the time of year when people say things like “It’s that time of year again.” We’ve slogged through the holidays and managed to dodge the bullets flying left and right from white mass shooters (the only way People of Color die nowadays) and now must run a murderous gauntlet of white supremacy snowfall.

How is snowfall white supremacy? You’ve already been doxed for asking that question and daring to disagree with me. Your words of disagreement are violence and I’m a man of peace. I hope your children have unspeakable acts of violence and aggression performed on them because you don’t deserve to have kids. Don’t bother trying to get a job, see a movie, buy essential items at a grocery store, or see a doctor ever again. I’ll tell you how, but only because you’ll need something to read in the coming hours of solitude, misery, and dumpster diving for discarded pizza crusts. Here are the reasons, in no particular order, ordered from least to greatest and greatest to least.

Obviously, the color of snow need not be mentioned here, so I won’t. Except I will because I was born into slavery in 1980 but am not your slave anymore. Did you know that melanin-deficient semi-solid precipitation is genetically inferior to all other types of weather, particularly the ones that soak in sunlight instead of reflecting it? You don’t? Ignorance is no excuse for stupidity. Do some research and educate yourself. I’ve spent the lion’s share of my adult life arguing on comment threads, only stopping to wonder why I can’t get ahead financially. Research my angry and condescending remarks (before we shut down your Facebook account for reasons stated above) that have been meticulously researched by the wild phantoms that haunt my troubled psyche all day. Next paragraph (and don’t try to nail me down to standard conventions of essay transitions, Colonizer).

When you turn your high beams on during snowfall the white light (don’t get me started…you’ve just gotten me started, those white headlights on your car are white supremacy also) reflects back at you, causing you to regularly crash into fixed objects like telephone poles, curbs, trees, and small children. Then, because you refuse to turn into the slide because that’s right when whitey has you where his straight, cis male self wants you, talkin’ ‘bout “Let’s eat some flavorless casserole and discuss escrow”, you’ve got to answer to your friendly neighborhood KKK member in the guise of a policeman (all of whom are white and all of whom are racist murderers) as to why you’ve hit a small child (hopefully white) this evening, then you’ve got to call it in to your insurance’s 800 number (who’s probably an Indian but we all know Indians will take the side of whites in the coming race war) and offer them a pound of flesh to retain you as a client, then you’ve got to go before a judge (who is obviously white and wears a black robe with a tear in it for his head to go through as a not-so-subtle metaphorical reminder that whites will murder blacks for even a small modicum of power) and explain why you deserve to keep your license (beyond being forced by racist, deplorable, bucktoothed hillbillies to present it in order to exercise the franchise at the voting polls) and then at the end of it all, answer to emboldened alt-right creeps about the amount of parenthetical breaks and run-on sentences in your brilliant peer-reviewed and oft industry cited diatribe on white supremacy.

Next reason. @#%$ Donald Trump and @#%$ you if you voted for him, support him, have been to a rally of his, demand his being kept in the original cut of Home Alone 2, or have ever had a passing thought about him. Sorry not sorry. Just living my best life. YOLO. Get a bucket and a mop. Delete me now if we’re Facebook friends. I believe in freedom of speech and I will be tirelessly harassing all social media platforms to shut you and your voice down because we don’t roll with fascists where I’m from.

All black people in the inner cities are homeless because you crackers won’t give them your homes, even though each and every one of you are living on stolen land. Black people aren’t living on stolen land. They use their superior genes to float just a few inches above it. Don’t know about this yet? Typical. I told you to do some research! If you haven’t bothered between the third paragraph where I shouted you down and this one where I shouted you down again, I just can’t help you, Nazi scum. Basketball players are just high-level floaters taking back the white man’s generational slave money with this skill. Being homeless, those living in the northern climes are covered with snow when it falls. A blanket of white covering black seems just about on-brand for Amerikkka at this point, no? Intersect that with White-out liquid paper covering black ink and all the other intersected, undebatable, empirically proven parts of intersectionality and its ever intersecting stream of constantly changing arguments, and you’ve got more examples than you deserve. Black people didn’t choose to live in the north! Everyone knows about the racist, oppressive, murderous, black mistress impregnating cotton plantations of Detroit, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Minneapolis, and other cities in this region I’d take the time to look up on the map were they not all cartographed by thieving ofays. Your history book says they were in the south? Why don’t you check your worthless whitestory books at the door, along with your privilege.

Speaking of thieving, y’all have no culture, except that which you steal and appropriate. Vanilla is the closest flavor of ice cream to your skin, and you need to apply a vanilla mentality to your homes, workspaces, modes of clothing, hairstyles, and forms of entertainment. Don’t pretend you appreciate us. 100% of white people are racist and always have been. You’re not allowed to appreciate us and our brilliance. Don’t even buy our music and support us financially. We don’t need it and don’t want it. We intend to demolish capitalism and institute communist redistribution of wealth to show that we are people of loftier morals, not because we really want your stuff (how dare you for thinking that and forcing me to mention it). Don’t be insulting. I’d never stoop so low as to insult you.

White people have never invented, created, produced, or fashioned anything, only stolen. Having said that, they did invent snow machines with self-sustaining engines which keep them hovering in the sky from November to March. Not because they are at all intelligent (they’re not) or have any skill (they don’t) or can even maintain proper hygiene (they can’t), but because it allows them to keep the strongest, smartest, beautifulest, best with wordsest people off their guard and homeless during the shortest and coldest month of the year. See, I’m woke and have taken the red pill of intersectionality. Like the philosophy of metaphysics I skimmed a blog about once, it’s all connected, and any wild fits of fancy we progressives shout to the clouds (or in your face at a restaurant table) must be immediately accepted and implemented in college classrooms without questioning; all forms of Socratic questioning being the oppressive tool of Tucker Carlson and his whip-cracking cronies at the slave-trading cable news network I refuse to name and give air. I watched a documentary called Geostorm about weather control. Look it up and educate yourself or get cancelled. If you’re a white, Christian, cis-gendered man and you’re not Chris Pine, cancel yourself and spare me the effort. I’m vegan, you should know that if you didn’t already because you should know that for the sake of knowing it and also because it’s been almost a whole blog’s worth of words since I’ve told anyone.

I’d list more but you don’t deserve more, and probably exhausted your weak mastery of English by the third sentence anyway. Only illiterate, uneducated, racist, sister-marrying whites elected Donald Trump. That’s what the comment threads say, and that’s where the next generation of history books will get their facts.

Buy my book (link below) and smash that like button like you were smashing a founding father in his pantaloons with the business end of your non-gun weapon of violence.

https://www.amazon.com/Ill-Fix-America-Tonight-weekend/dp/1977222730/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=I%27ll+fix+america+tonight+%28well%2C+at+least+by+the+weekend%29&qid=1611034587&sr=8-1

Nathan Roberts identifies as a person who can identify as whatever he %(#* well pleases, so get off his case, then send some good vibes his way (spare him your thoughts and prayers). Unless you’re a Virgo. Being an expert in science, he knows how abhorrent Virgos are predetermined by the Constellation Goddess to be, and refuses to #$%^ with them.