Let's rename "kneejerk reaction" to "The LeBron"
Look folks. Celebrities are always right about their societal and political opinions. They’re just better and smarter than us. Why else would they be celebrities if God didn’t intend them to be heard, worshipped, followed, heard, revered, listened to, and speak for others who are capable of speaking for themselves but spared the trouble when a celebrity does it? Twitter isn’t responsible for their ravenous—some might say obsessive—rush to be the first one to tweet and be re-tweeted and feuded with and play victim and call racism and do all the other wonderful things the beautiful world of Twitter allows them to do. Twitter is only responsible for taking away rights to the platform when Donald Trump incites violence by coding messages like “commit violence” into tweets like “don’t commit violence”. LeBron, if you didn’t hear, tweeted the picture of an Ohio cop that shot and killed a knife-wielding teenager with the caption “You’re next”. Then came the backlash. Then came the deleting.
So when King Artist Formerly Known as Dr. The G.O.A.T. James deletes a tweet, some might take that as a tacit admission of being in the wrong, maybe even a sly apology. Not so. When he does that it’s because everyone who disagrees with him is wrong and racist. Duh-doy. Obviously. Now for the most revered journalistic practice; wild speculation.
This is a teenager in 2021. She's probably on social media and seen what it takes to go virus. Who’s to say she wasn’t creating a killer (pun only moderately intended) new dance move? Frankly, I and my friends look forward to the summer’s influx of party songs when we can Get Stabby with it. Who’s to say there wasn’t an alien embryo inside the other girl’s belly and she was saving humanity from a fate like all those forgettable characters from all those Alien movies? Who’s to say she wasn’t playing a prank? A wildly stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous prank, yes, but a prank nonetheless. That racist cop didn’t even give her a chance to shout “DUDE! It’s a prank! It’s a prank!” before he got all Shooty with it. I fully intend to go on every debate show and pundit the daylights out of these theories because reporting the news isn’t the objective of journalism. Making people say “that kind of makes sense when you think about it” is.
I get some folks want celebrities to shut up and dribble/act/dance/influence/sell makeup products/launch clothing lines/rap about the moistness of their genitals/be seen at parties (in the case of the brats the ultra-rich release into the wild who never have and never will hold down a real job). I think it’s condescending and haughtily rules out the chance that celebrities are intelligent and thoughtful people. I’ve actually devoted a few chapters to this idea in my recent book (link below). But my hesitance at dismissing someone out of hand for being famous doesn’t mean celebrities are above reproach. In that vane, back to dealing jokes at LBJ’s (LeBron, not the welfare guy from Texas) expense.
When he reacts to an event, he needs an outlet for his emotions. He can’t just talk about it with his friends and family! Don’t be gross. He has no choice but to put it on social media. And if he says something reckless or easily construed as a threat along the way, it’s your fault for reacting to this event in your emotions and oppressing him with white supremacy by disagreeing and debating with him on social media. Plus, all those notifications continuously popping up on his phone while he’s trying to fight white supremacy have got to be utterly bothersome. So give him a break from your white supremacy, stifle your desire to exercise your (I have it on good authority soon-to-be-gone) right to free speech, and shut up but don’t dribble (unless you’re a baby or basketball player that we all understand isn’t as skilled as he is). You’re wrong. He’s right. His winning of the genetic lottery didn’t stop at his striking 6’ 9” frame, it filtered all the way down to his DNA-powered ability to say the right opinions and know when racism is happening and the driving motivation in the mind of someone he’s never met and doesn’t know.
While I’m on a roll in the rename-an-old-idiom-after-a-public-figure game, I’m renaming “spoiler alert” to “Pulling a Maxine” because the estimable Mrs. Waters decided to spoil what was an otherwise fine example of due process handling its sacred duty by handing Chauvin an appeals court opportunity by putting vaguely-worded-easily-construed-as-threats statements into the news media by encouraging protestors to be more confrontational with police if a guilty verdict wasn’t returned in the Derek Chauvin trial. I wish I was omniscient and knew what was going on in every conflict everywhere in America. That’s got to be pretty sweet. Yes, I know there is damning video evidence in this particular case, but she and her super-squad of Omniscient Avengers (trademark pending) can tell when personal racism is in the mix when a white cop is involved (100% of the time), internalized racism is in the mix when a black cop is involved (100% of the time) or systemic racism is in the mix whenever cops of any size, race, gender, creed, or fast-food preference is involved (100% of the time). They’re batting 1,000. In baseball terms, that’s on a supernatural level eons above legendary Hall of Famer.
Just for entertainment value, I want to make movies in the Whodunit genre with shocking twist endings, screen them early for Maxine Waters, and have her ruin the endings for everyone by clamoring for a microphone and giving it away. That’d make me laugh…a lot. This is just so she can live up to her new moniker I’ve given her. I’m also open to changing “jumping the gun”, “counting your chickens before they’ve hatched”, and “putting the cart before the horse” to Pulling a Maxine. Either that, or we can just lump her in with other professional race-baiters and the completely self-unaware and call her “One of those a@#$%&*s who just doesn’t get it.” it’s all good in my humble and less-right-than-LeBron’s opinion.
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you, but I don’t get paid to do it just yet. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
LeBron James image taken from:
https://www.wkbn.com/news/lebron-james-deletes-tweet-on-columbus-police-shooting-of-teen-explains-why/
