That was a weird gender reveal party
We can totally guess the gender since the balloon came from China; the land of not-so-down-with-baby-girls. It’s no wonder the men there play so many hours of video games every day. When it comes to choosing amongst the ladies, you’ve entered Ghost Town, population: lots of dudes, presided over by our venerated mayor; Slim Pickens. But tread softly. The mayor is sleeping right now because he’s hungover due to getting in late from a sausage party.
One is fairly flabbergasted to consider just how long it took our geriatric, soon-to-be octogenarian-in-chief to spring into ac…I just answered my own question. Seems like China enjoys flicking his eyeball even more than everyday, run-of-the-mill bullies would because it’s unlikely he’s prescient enough to notice the flicking. We knew this casual day-tripping spy equipment existed before it hit the west coast. We knew its trajectory was focusing on Wyoming, where a large part of our national supply of elbow room, scenic vistas, steely-eyed heartbreaker cowboys, and—what was it—oh yeah, those things, NUCLEAR MISSILES are concentrated. Social media tracked it as it was going nowhere fast like it was a white Bronco containing a presumptive murderer. One wonders why Democrats allowed it to continue over the southern parts of Amer…I just answered my own question. Did they think it would fly over flyover country and drop more COVID on some unsuspecting and unvaccinated racists as they cooked meth in their doublewides and lovingly eyed their sisters?
Did they think it was rather impolite to shoot it down before it completed its mission and transmitted its data? Did they want to watch and laugh as influencers on TikTok used that particular platform to pontificate about allowing China to spy on us without sniffing out even a tiny fraction of irony? Did they think the robotics inside the balloon would get mad at them for essentially making it hold in a data sneeze? Did they think this would help their standing in the eyes of right-wingers who constantly accuse them of selling our country over to arguably the greatest enemy of human rights this world has ever known? Do I need to start learning Mandarin and proper dumpling prep technique?
Of course, this could all be a ruse. I mean, satellites are a faster and more clandestine way of figuring out what you want about the enemy who willingly…nay, happily participates in an obscenely massive trade deficit with you. Maybe this is a brazen show of stones. They’ve shot down spy planes of ours carrying actual human souls without taking a moment to consider the cost. We took a week to shoot down an unmanned aerostat. I know we don’t need to be trigger-happy cowboys when it comes to international relations but come on. We’re a more robust country and have sprung to action much faster for lesser transgressions than violating our internationally agreed upon airspace and sovereignty. Maybe the shockingly racist Chinese leadership is right about us. We just might be inferior to them in every way. Pardon me while I work on my very low bowing.
In the two weeks following this original fiasco Biden and his crack team of aeronautic avengers have gotten trigger happy. I’d say he’s trying to prove he’s not a total wuss; a tall order for the guy who literally told Obama on that fateful night to not kill Osama Bin Laden. Yessir, they’ve been handing out sidewinder missiles like Oprah hanging with drunken sailors after finding a secret cache of sidewinder missiles.
If some early reports about the objects subsequently shot down over this Michigander’s beloved Great Lakes are to be believed, we can all sleep easy at night knowing we are safe from a local hobby group’s weather balloon. Even more shocking than Biden’s ineptitude is the fact that there are enough people interested in weather ballooning to form a weather balloon hobby group.
I’d like to point out before I go that Winnie the Pooh and China’s “democratically elected” president look very much the same. Just because he banned—in a fit of wild and embarrassing insecurity—all pictures of the beloved bear that one time someone compared the two. When China does take over, I don’t intend to sit and let things shake out as they will like a good little red. I prefer the bullet-to-the-back-of-the-head routine, 1984 style. Sorry for the spoiler to that book which warned us about communism you should have read before the Communists took over.
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Image taken from:
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/jordan-cruz-shred-biden-chinese-spy-balloon-comparing-past-presidents
