Transgender Jeopardy winner still has a man's intelligence and unfair advantage
Hey there! Patriarchy here. We told you we’ve got sleeper agents all over the place, doing the good chauvinist work and fighting the good sexist fight when these adorable little female sprites get too bold with the sass-back and need reminding of their place. Amy Schneider is just such a one, having made over half a million dollars with no end in sight to her Jeopardy win streak. That’s right ladies, trans females aren’t just here to dominate in sports requiring strength, speed, endurance, and kinesthetic skill. They’re also here to show you up when it comes to mental acuity.
Don’t hurt yourself figuring out what “acuity” means, sweethawt. Why dontcha lie down and have a sip or eight of your favorite wine? Promise to wake you up when your soaps are on or da little bambinos start annoying me, whicheva comes foyst. Don’t forget your 5:30pm appointment at da stove to take da roast out so it don’t get all dry and chewy and you gotta run into a door again learning your lesson about payin’ attention to dinna. Feel me, tootz?
Schneider is living proof no aggressive round of testosterone blockers or throwing melty acid on your genitals can overcome a man’s bone structure, musculature, chromosomes, DNA, or brain capacity. She’s a former software developer and now manages engineers. Those sound like a woman’s career to you, statistically speaking; what with math, coding, programming, and managing others even coming difficult for men? Didn’t think so. But having declared and won a Civil War on the genitals she was born with and despised so vehemently, she can get all the benefits of being a woman without having leaky vagina brain five days out of the month (plus the twenty-some-odd days it takes to recover and actually start retaining information again by which time it’s time to have leaky vagina brain again). Any women offended and mad at this piece so far should beware their wombs don’t start shaking too much and do their best at keeping hysteria in check.
We here at Patriarchy, Inc. (a subsidiary of The Massive Male Conspiracy Group) call her double-dipping in gender benefits a win-win. She now gets to say “When you get a chance”, have it mean “Do it right now”, AND make one dollar for every dollar a man makes, having wiped the floor with so many biological female Jeopardy contestants women’s rights have been comfortably pushed back a few decades. We fully expect her to obliterate part-time host Ken Jenning’s Jeopardy record in the near future. It would be satisfying to watch her piledrive that girly man into submission during the end of the show when she achieves that feat. He don’t do da Patriarchy no good, no how, wit ‘is corny jokes and froofy manna of carryin’ hisself.
Just to make sure Amy was settling into her new role as a woman (and therefore worthy of being a sleeper agent), we asked during her training “What’s wrong?” and “How did your gender reassignment surgery go?”. She said “Nothing!” but still pouted something fierce. We got her some chocolate and flowers and she immediately brightened up at the small gesture, then said “I was a little bothered because it’s gender affirmation surgery but we’re all good because I know you love me ‘cause you do little things like this for me”. She then asked us to take out the garbage five minutes into the game. That’s when we knew she was ready for the high stakes game of feminist infiltration and sabotage.
That’s when we got her booked on Jeopardy, making sure it landed during Trans Awareness Week because subtlety is dead. That’s when we knew she’d be an invaluable asset in our cause. And when she’s finished her run, that’s when we’ll carefully instruct her in the acquisition of land, that being a capitalist’s historically most efficient way to take a pile of reasonable wealth and turn it into many piles of obscene wealth. If not for any reason but to trigger and annoy that contingent of leftists who adopt socialist and communist ideals to cover for their lack of professional achievement in this life. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM TRANS! (a subsidiary of Patriarchy, Inc.)
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Image taken from:
https://decider.com/2021/12/01/jeopardy-champ-first-trans-contestant-tournament-of-champions/
