Senate Majority Leadership to Introduce Personal Code of Conduct for GOP.
With a close margin of victory defeating an incumbent president, Democrats were ceded a very specific amount of political capital. Like George W. Bush following the September 11 hanging out with sailors tipsy on grog, they’ve decided to spend that capital as quickly as possible. Senator Ted Cruz’s family vacation to Cancun presented the perfect occasion to introduce a bill detailing and enforcing a personal code of conduct for GOP senators, representatives, aides, lobbyists, and anyone who has ever mentioned Donald Trump in a positive light on their social media. In the bill, these parties are grouped labeled “Nazis”. We hare at Thirsty for Clicks caught up with the sponsors of the bill and asked them why they are calling all Republicans “Nazis” in the bill. Their succinct answer was “What’s the difference?”. Here are some of the highlights:
When in committee session, Nazis are not to speak unless spoken to, and then must raise their hands and be given the Talking Stick in order to speak.
Note: if talking stick is being borrowed by another committee, the Talking Hoberman Sphere may be used.
Nazis are never to publicly or privately express an opinion that would be upsetting or offensive to Democrat’s (henceforth to be referred to as Messiah Superhero Action People of Gender Fluid Awesomeness) constituency.
Note: rules regarding offensive opinions to be arbitrarily set, changed, and applied at the discretion of Messiah Superhero Action People of Gender Fluid Awesomeness.
Sub-note: much like the obscenity litigation of the 1980’s, we’ll know it when we see it.
Nazis are not allowed to take an unapproved vacation when there are mass traumas happening within three thousand miles of their fat, ugly bodies.
Note: campaign rallies, guest punditry on Fox News, and humanitarian efforts to any poor whites count as vacations.
Nazis are hereby ordered to cede defeat when engaging in Twitter feuds, and will be gradually phased out of Twitter by 2030, or earlier if they really irritate us.
Nazis are hereby ordered to just sit back and take it when cancel culture ruins someone’s life for like, no reason, including occurrences of misconstruing .
Note: Nazis are to record themselves wanting to say something but not being able to (think Yosemite Sam with reddened face and steam coming out of his ears) and post it to any social media they haven’t been banned from.
Nazis must allow persons of color to come over and crash for a few days unannounced while still absorbing accusations of racism and bigotry from the far left, middle left, and almost-right-left (henceforth known as classical liberals).
Note: “Crash” includes everything on the spectrum between being a good house guest and burning down their property.
Nazis must never again mention the ugly, racist history of the Messiah Superhero Action People of Gender Fluid Awesomeness Party.
Note: Contradictions and hypocrisies are also off-limits.
Nazis must anticipate and react to social and personal code of conduct rules before they are thought up in the heads of the Messiah Superhero…you get the point.
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