Critical Race Theory Monster used to scare conservative children into eating vegetables
In the 70’s and early 2000’s, Muslim Terrorists were the Boogeyman. In the 50’s and 60’s, it was communism. In the late 80’s and 90’s, it was AIDS. Now it’s cancel culture and Critical Race Theory. I understand that CRT is triggering for many on the political right. I’ve written a post about how we conservatives should just take our kids out of public schools and let the breeding ground of bad ideas implode upon itself. As a Christian, I’m even surer in that position because I trust the Word of God and its lasting power over any fleeting nonsense man can contrive. But that doesn’t mean I won’t capitalize and make fun of some of the things we humans do. Enjoy my foray into poetry that takes aim at societal commentary.
A Nursery Rhyme
Jeremy was an mischievous boy
At dinnertime he was known to be coy
He concocted a deviously clever ploy
To hide his veggies in his favorite toy
This robbed his folks of parental joy
Until their own clever trick they did employ
And convinced him that the CRT Monster was going to visit his room that night and make him feel so guilty for being white that he’d have no chance at growing up to a well-adjusted adult so he ate his vegetables
And his parents gave him an attaboy
A Couplet
Celia worked ever so hard at school
Ever early to bed and to rise,
Hers was the best in the talent pool,
She; the apple of many eyes.
The science fair was her moment to shine
A chance to make the perfect display,
Perhaps a battery using pickle brine?
Or an ingenious device fashioned of clay?
Whatever it was, she was sure to succeed
But modern societal trends she failed to heed
For the day of the fair came to be and all the judges were eaten and replaced by the CRT Monster who then proceeded to award victim points to all non-white contestants and deduct white supremacy points from Cecilia that she ended up coming in last place
And finished the day with tears flowing down her ugly white face
A Haiku
Wickedness has come
Critical race theory
tells me he is white
A Pastiche in the style of Dr. Seuss
I hate white people, Professor Fleen. On them, I am not too keen. I do not like them in the morn. I do not wish them to be born. I do not like them in my house. I do not like them for a spouse. I do not like them breathing my air. I do not like them in the town square. I do not like them all the day. I do not like them at the bay. Am I racist, Professor Fleen? Am I the most racist you’ve ever seen?
You are not racist, Sister Mel-a-Nin. Hating white people is not a sin. You can’t be racist, child of the sun. Only they can, feel free to shun. It may just be a little while before they culturally appropriate every style. At which time the CRT Monster will come and cover them in bile. Their lily white skin will be burned, and into gruesome Plockerdoiches they will be turned. We all know plockerdoiches die quickly and serve no purpose, so none will be left to ever usurp us.
A Ballad
Johnny dreamt of a wandering life
He went to port each day
He longed to see conflict and strife
The sea would pave the way
For you see, he was Caucasian
Cruelest of the tribes
They steal lands by barbarous invasion
So the historians transcribe
Johnny boarded a ship and left
To a faraway land
Committing genocide and theft
with a murderous band
The CRT Monster will come
And set all things aright
He will take stolen land from some
who others have called YT.
He’ll restore it to the preferred
People of the earth
Long enough have they all suffered
Children of bitter dearth
So watch your backs, cruel white folk
Your time is nigh at hand
White supremacy is about to croak
Its destruction has been planned
A song parody of Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors”
You with the blue eyes
Don’t be discouraged
You will get that job
You’ve barely worked for it
There are mandy candidates
Hard to stick out in a mob
You’ve got one big advantage
I’d love to work here
But I see your white privilege
Shining through
I see your white privilege
And that’s why I hate you
So don’t be worried for the outcome
Your white privilege
White privilege will overwhelm
It’s always welcome
Don’t walk a mile then
When you can just go, some fifteen feet
And get the same benefit
If life seems much too hazy
And you’re at the end of your rope
Don’t you worry
Because it’s quite vast in scope
And I see your white privilege
Shining through
I see your white privilege
And that’s why I hate you
So don’t be worried for the outcome
Your white privilege
White privilege will overwhelm
It’s always welcome
If life seems much too hazy
And you’re at the end of your rope
Don’t you worry
Because it’s quite vast in scope
And I see your white privilege
Shining through
I see your white privilege
And that’s why I hate you
So don’t be worried for the outcome
Your white privilege
White privilege will overwhelm
It’s always welcome
Your white privilege
White privilege
White privilege
Shining through
And I see your white privilege
Shining through
I see your white privilege
And that’s why I hate you
So don’t be worried for the outcome
Your white privilege
White privilege will overwhelm
It’s always welcome
Hey there, beloved reader! Don’t stop reading yet. I enjoy writing and creating content for you, but I don’t get paid to do it just yet. Recently, I took on the Herculean task of fixing America and wrote a book on the subject; the very literal-titled “I’ll Fix America Tonight”. There is a a link where you can conveniently add the book to your Amazon cart (if you’re flush with about $20 in cash right now) or your wish list (if around $20 in cash is a little too much right now, but hypothetically not too much in the near future). Buy it, and help end poverty (namely my poverty). Thanks for reading!
