The Left should cancel Cuban protestors for waving the American flag
As a holdover of Fidel Castro policies, it’s really hard for Americans to get into Cuba. Probably because so many of us flood their beaches in makeshift rafts to escape this capitalist hell-scape for the pleasure to have government tell us what to think, when to think it, and if we stand to be be executed if we continue thinking it because a newer, better thing to think has been disseminated and your ignorance of government mandates through the media are no excuse, so don’t get too acquainted with our bullet-to-the-head cuisine as it tends to just go right through you.
Thirsty for Clicks is part of the mainstream media, which we all know is sympathetic to communist causes, so we were granted free and unrestricted access with the unspoken understanding that we’d cast their totalitarian regime in a favorable light. We went there because a stunning turn of events…um…turned. Cuban protestors eschewed their normal state-mandated bedtime and took to the streets to protest their government. That’s not really newsworthy in communist locales. People just don’t know what’s good for them but that’s not anything a metaphorical backhand to their metaphorical face or a literal rifle butt to their literal orbital bone can’t fix. No, what’s stunning is they were waving American flags.
Let that one marinate a bit. THE American flag. Not the LGBTQWERTYKEYBOARD flag. Not the BLM flag. Not the face of Che Guevara. That gross flag with the fifty stars representing white supremacy, the red stripes representing white supremacy, and the white stripes representing white supremacy. We’re not sure what the blue backdrop to the stars represents but if we were betting men…
We caught up with a Cuban lady on the streets during the protest by the name of Stereotypical Spanish Name. Here’s what she had to say:
Thirsty for Clicks: Why are you flying and waving the American flag?
Stereotypical Spanish Name: Because we want freedom, and America is the land of freedom and opportunity. The American flag is a symbol of that freedom and opportunity. We are sick of cigars being counted as food rations. We are sick of being told our beaches must shut down because the water contains the capitalist variant of COVID. We are sick of our cars only having windows you have to roll down by hand. We don’t care what the guys making the mouth of Fidel’s corpse Weekend at Bernie’s style tell us, we’re like 75% sure there’s a better life to be had if we make some changes to be more like our neighbors to the north, and the other 25% can only be accounted for based on the fact that the government controls our media and what we consume.
Thirsty for Clicks: (examines skin color of interviewee in an exaggerated manner) But, you’re brown, right?
Stereotypical Spanish Name: Yes, what’s that got to do with it?
Thirsty for Clicks: Haven’t you heard? The land of Amerikkka is not a good place for brown people.
Stereotypical Spanish Name: Why did you say it with the three k’s? I’m not familiar with this colloquialism.
Thirsty for Clicks: NVM.
Stereotypical Spanish Name: Again with the idioms! What do those three letters mean? You really need to develop your interview and communication skills. I mean, look at me. My syntax, grammar, and pronunciation are perfect. Almost as if I wasn’t a native Spanish speaker. Get your s*** together, dude.
Thirsty for Clicks: Well that’s unnecessary.
Stereotypical Spanish Name: So is stealing and eating the neighbor’s dog for dinner in a “developed country” but here we are.
Thirsty for Clicks: Would you like to live in America?
Stereotypical Spanish Name: Believe you me, I’ve already got my ticket purchased. If we can’t get revolutionary and fundamental changes here, I’m lighting a candle, saying a prayer, and catching the next raft out of town.
Thirsty for Clicks: You know, in America, as a brown person, you’ll be enslaved, subject to white supremacy and all-encompassing racism, hunted and murdered by the police, oppressed by the evils of capitalism, and held to the expectation that you can only get ahead professionally if you rap or play professional sports. You’re Spanish, so I’d say you can box or play baseball.
Stereotypical Spanish Name: That’s a super racist thing to say.
Thirsty for Clicks: I can’t be racist. I’m a Democrat. I don’t particularly have any brown friends, but I post hashtags on my Insta every day about how racist white people are and how they need to not be racist and have to actively work in being anti-racist. I can’t be racist for those reasons. Just know that if you keep waving the flag, I will Tweet about this, and you will be canceled.
Stereotypical Spanish Name: B****, I was born in Cuba! I began life canceled!
Thirsty for Clicks: You know, that really made me feel bad right there when you called me that harmful word. It affected my self-esteem, and I think you need to do better and you have a lot of self-improvement and other work to do.
Stereotypical Spanish Name: (exasperated) Look, if you want to talk about this more, I’d love to pick this up later. The protest is on the move and I don’t want to be left too far behind.
Thirsty for Clicks: Okay can I get your home address? Let me find a pen real quick.
Stereotypical Spanish Name: Just take a photo of my driver’s license. My address is right there.
Thirsty for Clicks: Wait. You’re a brown, oppressed, person of color and you’ve got a state-issued ID?
Stereotypical Spanish Name: Yes. What about it?
Thirsty for Clicks: (head literally explodes right there)
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Image taken from:
https://www.reuters.com/world/americas/street-protests-break-out-cuba-2021-07-11/
