Fitness expert schooled by Twitter mob on his personal health
Joe Rogan got COVID because even the best of us are subject to bad colds/not-so-bad flus. COVID is like a medical doctor doing the rounds; got to make sure he gets to everyone. COVID is like a substitute teacher taking attendance, awkwardly reading every name on the list and accidentally messing up the goofier ones. COVID is like the band KISS in its seemingly never-ending farewell tour; wants to make sure everyone who wants to participate has no excuse to have not participated. COVID is like a social butterfly at a meet-and-greet corporate function; super obnoxious when everyone’s already having a crappy time.
Joe Rogan is bound to live longer than all of us, maybe even Keith Richards. He’s fifty-four years old and looks…well he looks fifty-four years old but in all fairness, that’s got more to do with male pattern baldness than deteriorating bodily health or complexion. I’m forty-one years old with a thick head of hair but not even close to the same physique he’s rocking, though my voice is several octaves deeper. I’m pretty sure there’s a lesson in there about the universe being fair to fat guys or constitutional checks and balances on hotness or something. IDK. Today, I’ve ingested a lot of fattening snacks Joe Rogan would never think about eating and am in kind of that post-snack haze one might call a mild food coma. I get them all the time but the little doctor in my head says they’re no cause for alarm until I’m sixty-five or so.
I caught COVID in the Fall of 2020 and sat at home for two weeks and went nearly insane because I’m a workaholic and need problems to solve in order to be truly happy and really think I should seek out some help regarding this but am too busy working to seek out help that’ll take valuable work time away from me but that’s not what we’re talking about today. I’m overweight, work two physically demanding jobs, and am bad at regulating my sleep. So of course I caught COVID. Who wouldn’t given those odds? Joe Rogan is in fabulous shape and has two cushy jobs. I imagine his immune system embodied by the 2000 Baltimore Ravens defense and want to suggest we should stop comparing good defenses to the 1985 Bears because statistically the 00’ Ravens were the best defense ever. Couple that with the fact they played in an era when the NFL was changing its rules to favor offenses, and you’ve got a distracting and unnecessary rabbit trail on your hands (I used to be an English teacher and y’all know how we roll when it comes to rabbit trails).
When he announced this unfortunate but really humdrum turn of events (because nobody can keep their private business private anymore in this social media age), he was scolded so vociferously by the militant pro-vaccine wing of the Democrat party, (the same that acted on the 2020 campaign trail as if Trump was personally mixing the chemicals for it and was going to poison anyone not found to be a white registered republican) I don’t know that his tongue-lashing scars will ever heal. And then things took a turn for the worse as he listed off his treatment and recovery regimen (see my previous comment on private life not really existing anymore). Joe actually dared take drugs the graduates of the Twitter School of Medicine didn’t approve of. The fact that he was administered them by a hospital and doctors who spent years in a medical school that has real life buildings getting a degree is immaterial. A mob of strangers who know better than him as regards what constitutes taking care of what I can only imagine is a beautiful body said he took horse-snake-castor-oil-elixir-placebo-for-catching-Snipes, and by gar, that’s what he took and that’s that. Period.
Joe Rogan isn’t really all that republican but he’s also not ardently democrat either so you’re either with us or against us. So there. One can imagine some of the same Twitter MD’s (yes, I know there are those on the right who are anti-vax and just as obnoxious but we’re not making fun of them just at this moment) suffering from self-induced health problems stemming from years of video gaming, dead-end jobs that will pay $15/hour when flying pigs catch hypothermia in hell, and recreational substance abuse. Then one can laugh at the irony because one appreciates how crazy one’s world is right now.
I have to wonder if Joe can ever retain/regain his millions of podcast followers and insanely lucrative Spotify deal once Consequence Culture sets its sights on him. We know how swiftly and effectively it handles people with mean thoughts who don’t deserve to have jobs anymore. I hope someday it tackles and solves real problems like world hunger instead of posting hashtags and generously offering to use the wealth of others to solve it. But I dream.
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Image taken from:
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/joe-rogan-contracted-coronavirus-treating-ivermectin
