COVID supply chain issues halting delivery of justice to sexual criminals
Ghislaine Maxwell was recently found guilty of aiding the underage sexual trafficking crimes of infamous suiciding victim Jeffrey Epstein. In a move that should give those shadowy figures who have been lurking in the corner arrayed in trench coats and gumshoe hats who keep touching their finger to an earpiece and talking into their wrist time to formulate a plan, she won’t be sentenced until June. What’s worse, certain names from Epstein’s black book are to be sealed in the Disney vaults, possibly never to be released unless it can make them and their entertainment empire some money down the road.
Anyone who believes wealthy, influential, opportunistic pedophiles can’t buy justice in this country probably waved out the spaceship window to their friend living under a rock on Mars on their way to live under a rock on Pluto. I’d imagine room on the dwarf planet is at a premium and the neighborhoods are all gated off and entirely populated by white people who participated in rich white peoples’ favorite sport (white flight) and Black Lives Matter founders. We might have a chance to discover the names if we bury the book of names in a time capsule under some racist’s statue. I say we build a Trump statue then slyly turn our backs and whistle in feigned oblivious fashion while leftists work themselves into a feeding frenzy and do their thing.
Maybe this slow, deliberate, aggravating, infuriating delivery of justice is just one more side-effect of the global pandemic. Thanks COVID! You’re now responsible for everything wrong in my life on top of creepy folks with expansive bank accounts continuing to breathe free air instead of getting what’s coming to them in prisons; places which don’t have a track record of favorable and polite treatment of normal, run-of-the-mill everyday pederasts from lower socioeconomic status.
Maybe our inventory restock order of justice units is stuck on the gargantuan shipping tanker Ever Given while that Bob the Builder-sized backhoe adorably but fruitlessly tries to dig it out. Maybe fat people ate all the justice pie and justice steak and didn’t save any for anyone else. I’m losing weight and feel like the moment I hit my goal will be time we normalize prejudice against fat people again. Maybe justice is running on short supply because millennials need to take off their skinny jeans, wear something that has room for the free and efficient workday movement, and get their lazy bum selves back to work (shakes cane and accidentally spits out dentures as he shouts this)!
Maybe the Omicron and Delta Variants teamed up with Megatron, the Sith, Rita Repulsa (ugh, that voice), and Voltron to steal and jettison our last supply of justice to their home world of Mordor or some such other mixed-fantasy entertainment property nonsense. Maybe justice isn’t a priority so much anymore now that changing your children’s DNA and using nanobots to record what you say and think with the COVID jab are on the front burner. Maybe justice is running low because student loans are at an all-time high and kids can’t afford to take classes which entail philosophical exchange of ideas on the meaning of justice, law classes, criminal justice, AND Feminist, Trans, Intersectional, Midget Interpretative Dance and Genital Obliteration Theory so they keep choosing the more important of the options.
Maybe Trump took all the fancy White House embossed towels, doilies, coasters, ashtrays, and justice NFT’s in a huff when he was hastily evicted from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Maybe the Viking Shaman frantically stashed all the justice in his prison pocket when he trespassed in the Congress building and led the worst insurrection in the history of…those things.
Maybe Keanu Reeves is hiding all the justice in the empty space between his ears while running an elaborate scam to gouge the fair market price of justice like some sort of brilliant criminal syndicate and that’s how an actor of such limited range keeps inexplicably getting work. Caveat: He’s one of the most decent human beings on the planet, let alone Hollywood. It’s a good reason to not make fun of his acting skills, but not a good enough one to keep me from doing so. Maybe Marvel and the MCU have big plans for justice waiting in the twelfth phase of their utter entertainment dominance and we’ve all just got to awkwardly mush down the phallic zeal doing overtime in our pants without drawing attention while we lean forward and anticipate the big reveal.
Whatever the issue is, whichever president I didn’t vote for is responsible and by gar, they’d better do something before I call them a traitor, accuse them and their supporters of destroying this country, and recommend they be locked up. Makes me want to make a real change in this world by getting caught up in some tedious and angry comment thread debates. I’ll do it, I swear I will and that’ll show ‘em. That’ll show ‘em all.
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Image taken from:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jan/15/ghislaine-maxwell-to-be-sentenced-in-new-york-in-late-june
