(satire) Fascism is one way to unite a country
Because that way everyone acts, thinks, behaves, eats, makes love, posts selfies, includes a cover sheet in their TPS report, and does everything else they do exactly the same as everyone else. Boom. United country, just like he promised on the same campaign trail where he literally, yes literally, promised to release his solution to the COVID pandemic once he was elected. The people who suffered due to the lack of his solution we must chalk up to collateral damage in lieu of the greater good.
Said greater good being us getting a president who looked at the onset of early Alzheimer’s and dementia during the final days of Reagan’s time in office and said “Hold my something something”. And why shouldn’t we have a little fascism up in this piece, hmmm? Hasn’t the Hair Snifferer-in-chief earned your respect, reverence, and worried, butt-clenching obedience? Haven’t the Democrats had to put up with just a little too much of your sass mouth, young man/woman/gender non-conforming amorphous blob of narcissistic attention seeking? Biden’s not having any of it. Just like Danny Glover in the Lethal Weapon franchise, he’s too old for this crap.
Haven’t we come to recognize things like prior restraint and breathing my air and choosing what you want to do say and do with your life are a little old-fashioned, and anything that’s old-fashioned is racism and white supremacy? Right? Right?!? RIGHT?!?! You’re making us engage in gratuitous punctuation and adoption of a sterner tone. No, we’re not yelling at you. We’re Democrats. We’re the good guys, right? RIGHT?! See there, you made us do it again. You might find your attitude more constructive after you run into a door a couple times or we mostly peacefully protest outside of your house.
Our beloved presi-uncle chooses what MAGA Republicans are. Silly goose, you don’t choose what you are, he does. He said so himself, so there. MAGA Republicans are not mainstream Republicans. Just like the deep cover agents disguised as BLM and ANTIFA rioters, they believe in political violence. He can, does, and has worked with mainstream Republicans. He’s done it so charismatically and in charming fashion for fifty years. Seriously, he’s not known as a cranky butthead in Washington circles. Who told you that? Anonymous sources you wish to protect from harm? Right. I thought so. Those are just haters and you know what haters gonna do. (speaks into his wrist communicator) Unleash the hounds on all anonymous sources.
He defines MAGA Republicans…well it doesn’t matter what he defines them as right now because they are people who don’t have the right to define themselves what they want to. So 74 million people can take all the umbrage they want at this speech. He wasn’t talking about them until he was and if they don’t take their umbrage silently over there in the corner, he might just have to skip his afternoon nap and paddle some backsides and we all know how fiercely he whoops when he’s skipped his nap.
It’s got to be such a wonderful position to be able to tell the other party of people who didn’t vote for you and have no conversation with you what the definition of a subset of them is. And to vilify that subset definitely won’t lead to rhetorical backlash from the larger whole. See, I thought we were in the age of defining oneself whatever one chooses without the need to defer to outside influences or objective reality. Seems that luxury is reserved for our precious, benevolent, and glorious DNC overlords. All hail…you know…them.
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Image taken from:
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-supporter-threat-nation-biden/story?id=89231229
