Folks who don't vibe with truth shocked to find out lies have consequences
Jussie Smollett
When it was revealed to the public that Smollet was punking the Chicago PD, I wish Facebook had an algorithm tracking how many memes about fighting white supremacy and bringing justice to ease this particular thespian’s suffering were hastily taken down, and how long it took each screeching leftist to do so. That’d be a better use of their coding nerds’ time than custom fitting desperate singles over forty advertisements to my feed.
Can you believe there are still pundits trying to spin this to white supremacy? Dumb TV people who blame white people for black people putting on an elaborate hoax to show us that white people suffer the incurable condition of consensus racism must have an aggressive Objective Reality allergy and get all swollen knee and itchy hives when it gets in their face and refuses to be ignored or dismissed offhand. Pass ‘em their EpiPen, dear. We can feel the asthma coming on. Either that or the implicit arguments made by leftists really are true and black people can’t be held accountable for overwhelming tasks like walking around in public and, you know, not lying. It would boggle the mind if we weren’t enduring such bewildering times when people will believe just about anything.
Jussie did himself a grave disservice when he didn’t act like this whole thing was an experimental, street-level, immersive play. He’s an actor, for goodness sakes! Flash mob drama was a social media thing for a few minutes between us arguing about the color of a dress and and effeminate man tearfully pleading for us to leave Britney alone. What intelligent person—I know he’s an actor, but still—would have thought he’d get away with such a whopper of a big fish story? He didn’t even hire white guys to do the fake mugging! Jussie, Jussie, Jussie. Prior planning prevents poor performance, my man. If those Nigerian brothers had bathed in white paint or walked through a cloud of baking flour could I accuse them of whiteface and subsequently cancel them on Twitter? Always wanted to do that.
So Jussie got convicted (with a quickness, I might add) on most of his criminal counts. Five out of six ain’t bad, right fellas? I wonder how many Chicago policemen lost money betting on a straight flush for the department and prosecution. That and worrying about whether Mayor Lightfoot is going to continue her noble and logically reasonable crusade to hamstring their efforts, vilify them all as evil and oppressive, and make it impossible for the people of Chicago they’re sworn and poorly paid to protect will ever enjoy a night’s sleep free of mundane things like murder, rape, theft, and other manifestation of violent crime.
Smollettcould face prison time for his “White racists hanged a noose around my neck…wait for it…PSYCHE!”. Makes me sad. Just another black man being warehoused by the system that failed him. I know he grew up in a solid family and had television fame from his teen years but that smacks in the face of leftist dogma so let’s just go ahead and reduce him to his demographic and skin color, call him an oppressed person of color, blame white supremacy for his white supremacy prank, playfully wink and wag a finger at him to signify he’s not really going to have to serve consequences for this, and crowdsource the funds to produce and distribute a documentary about his shenanigans and kickstart a tedious and unnecessary celebrity podcast wherein he watches old movies and finds problematic elements (with plenty of instances of “This COULD NOT be made today” peppered into each episode).
Also makes me laugh a little, him being gay and my remembering a brilliant line from the TV show Archer in which the homophobic matriarch of the show insults her gay agent about how he would enjoy prison because it’s just “one big, sexy briar patch”. I feel guilty for making this connection and laughing profusely, but not guilty enough to not put this joke on record. This is America, though, and celebrities don’t go to prison. Justice is always for sale, and he’s black, so we don’t want to feel icky and racist. If they do go to prison, then I don’t wanna live here no mo’. That’s not the America I know and get all teary-eyed thinking about.
Is this what the whole “speaking my truth” movement is about? Why do we even have a justice system and teach journalism as a scholastic rigor if truth is malleable and individualized? My truth is that I’m sick of absolute and objective truth because it’s so darn…confining. Can’t everyone just walk around imposing their pronouns on each other and pelting each other with lightning bolts (a.k.a. LARPing beanbags)? I mean, every man being a law unto himself and determining right and wrong for himself sounds like a fine way to build Utopia.
Alec Baldwin
In a move so far out of sound strategy Sun Tzu is getting out of his grave to roll over his grave before he rolls over in it so as to drive his point home, dear ol’ Alec gave an emotional interview to adorable and diminutive elf-on-the-shelf George Stephanopoulos before any manslaughter trial had even commenced. Apparently “no comment” and “ongoing investigation” aren’t in Alec’s vocabulary. In said interview he vehemently maintained he didn’t pull the trigger on the gun that killed his cinematographer.
Know what? I did hear about a new style of gun being crafted and imbued with a living will of its own that shoots and kills when the mood takes it and is particularly triggered (I’m a dad, deal with the pun) when facing a person whose chosen profession (like movie camera work) it doesn’t really respect. I guess that gun has a boomer’s soul and would rather that young lady have gone into a sensible tool and dye apprenticeship.
A mysterious stranger told me about these new demonic guns on a road whose name I can’t remember and the stranger had disappeared when I turned around a few moments later. Let’s hope that gun was just the prototype and Brad Dourif’s voice won’t be issuing from the barrel anytime soon. I’m starting to come around to this making-stuff-up-when-it-suits-me vibe. While we’re telling tales out of school, I’m 6’ 6” and have a nasty fadeaway three-pointer technique in the clutch. Also, the ladies love me for my Words with Friends, Microsoft Excel skills, along with my 90wpm typing clip. So much so that I usually don’t have to buy drinks when I go to bars, being so recognizable for said skills. My goodness but lying is frightfully easy. Think I’ll do it more often, starting in the next paragraph.
I believe every word Alec has to say on the matter. A person who makes a living pretending to be something they’re not has nothing to hide and definitely wouldn’t know anything about subterfuge. Mr. Baldwin is a reasonable person who has never engaged in unnecessary, inflammatory, and confusing feuds in the public eye. His podcasts and talk show were top of the line and failed because they were ahead of their time. Every one of his movies is worthy of critical acclaim and box office success, even the ones he took as paying gigs post-a little extra cushion being added to his midsection. He was the best part of 30 Rock and the MIssion: Impossible franchise was going nowhere until he joined the fourth sequel and fifth movie overall. I….I just can’t do it. I can’t lie like this! I don’t know how lawyers, politicians, actors, and my ex-wife do it. I feel so gross now. I’ll have a shower and commence with the jokes at a later time.
Kamala Harris
She called an old white guy racist on the campaign trail. Not just any old white guy. An old white guy who has boundary issues with female subordinates and pre-teens. Not just any old white guy who has boundary issues. An old white guy with boundary issues who ran for president so many times he wore his party down and they were all “FINE! Will you shut up if we elect your geriatric butt?!?!?” Oh, and he’s said some racist things along the line but he’s a Democrat so he’s got a shield for his racism and carte blanche to insult, pander, condescend and treat black people like the little children he’d like to hug even as they shrink away in fear and disgust.
Back to Kamala. So she called him racist but then he offered her a job and she was all “Beats being a mediocre and overly lenient attorney general or girlfriend to Montel Williams. I’m in, you sly, bigoted fox”. He said he was going to run with a woman of color, so he’s a man of his word after all. What must that be like; answering to a boomer who grew up in a time when overt racism was waaaaaaaay cooler and who has reduced you and your worthiness in doing a job to the amount of melanin in your skin and the genitals you’re walking around with.
At least he’s not a Republican. Don’t even get me started on those racists and their…um…slavery ending and seeing people as people and not their skin color ways. But her change of heart is to be expected. She’s prone to flipping the script once it’s expedient for her. Those things she said about Donald’s inhumane refusal to allow brown folks to cross our southern border were just words she said to get elected. Saying things to get elected is what makes her a good candidate, following through on them would make her a great candidate and that sounds like a lot of work. Keeping her word and sticking to her promises and principles is something a total spaz-oid would do and she’s not a total spaz-oid so don’t call her one or she’ll have to wake Joe and have him shake his cane while calling this and that “a bunch of malarkey”.
But her approval numbers took a big hit because there are still reasonable free-thinkers who see her for the phony and off-putting human being she really is. If you need to speak with the VP, she’ll be in her cry closet downing chocolate in between bouts of not at all getting along with her staff members.
I don’t really care if people watch Fox News, but it’s hyperbolically funny to me that station routinely wipes the floor with CNN’s ratings. And how bout the fact that Greg Gutfield; not really all that funny of a guy, is beating the network late-night comedy shows because he actually is allowed to make jokes about Democrats and they aren’t! Have to think there’s a Monty Python-esque And now, for something completely different factor contributing to his success in the late-night playground.
Maybe Kamala can go on the inevitable reboot of NBC’s The Apprentice and be the obligatory villain every insanely stupid reality television show (redundant, I know) seems to need. Donald’ll probably pass starring duties to his son because he’s got a second nonconsecutive presidential term to win. That mantle should be taken from Grover Cleveland just because “Grover Cleveland” is such a goofy name. That, or our VP could play a prostitute-beating pimp on a very special episode of Law & Order (khun khun). Try saying Law & Order (khun-khun) without following it with that black-screen’s sound effect. It’s physically impossible. Try it. Law & Order (khun-khun). See, what’d I tell ya?
Happy lying, everybody!
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Image taken from:
https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/jussie-smollett-found-guilty-in-hate-crime-case
